Tannerisms

On Friday he was being stubborn and I was trying to be firm with him.

T: do you think I'm a bad boy?

M: No, I don't think you are a bad boy at all

T: Well, what do you think I am? Gullible?

M: *not good at containing my laughter*, Tanner, do you even know what that word means?

T: yeah....what does it mean Mom?



While eating tonight this was bits of our conversation:

T: Did I know Nephi when I was a baby?

M: I don't think so.

T: Well I knew him in heaven before I came here

later

T: when we were in heaven we had Family Home Evening and we were all there. You and Me and Grandma and Auntie Carolyn. And Heavenly Father told every person who would do the scripture and the lesson and then we would have a treat.



I love when he talks about before he was born. It's like a tiny glimpse into Heaven. We are so blessed to have him in our lives!

This just in...

I always have the BEST conversations with Tanner when we walk home together. Take this small clip for example:


T: Mom, does Santa know Jesus?

M: I don't know. Do you think that Santa knows Jesus?

T: No

a little while later

T: When I'm 19 I'm going to go on my mission and then when I'm 22 I'm going to get married and be a Dad.

I love that boy!

I speak Spanish?

Before I forget these I have to get them down.

We went into Pet Smart (or should I say Pet DUMB!...no animals!) and we went to look at the fish and Tanner says to the lady working in the fish/reptile department: "I speak Spanish". Not even a hello or anything. He just flat out said this. It was too funny.

FYI: He does NOT speak Spanish...that is why this is funny. He knows "Dora" spanish which is clearly a limited amount.



On Sunday

Tanner: Why do I have this cold?

Me: I don't know. Maybe you got it when you were in Calgary

Tanner: I know where I got it.

Me: Where?

Tanner: At the zoo.

Me: oh really? (I wouldn't be surprised at this point)

Tanner: Yeah, I got it at the zoo from the dinosaur. I'm allergic to the robotic dinosaur there. He gave me this cold.

Me: (trying SUPER hard not to laugh too much because he was quite serious about his response) Oh, well, I guess you should stay away from robotic dinosaurs then.

Tanner: NOOOO!

He had his grade one orientation today. His teacher seems really nice and I've heard she's good.

Now to FINALLY enjoy the nice weather.

295

I have 295 posts...so my account tells me. I'm thinking of giving something away for the 300th post but wondered if any of you have any ideas. If I did a give away, what would you like to get if the winner is you?






We saw the movie Shrek 4 on Saturday. It was really a cute movie. Tanner wasn't a big fan of the 3-D glasses but he said he really liked the movie anyways.

He was stalling when going to bed last night and finally I shut off the lights and said no more dilly dallying around...time for bed. Then he came into our room and said "I have to say goodnight and give a true loves kiss to you Mom". Man, that boy can have me wrapped around his finger in no time when he says stuff like that. How can you not love a boy so cute?

Today we had a regional conference and it was great except for the fact that people, today, seem to have forgotten what reverence is. It was so difficult to concentrate on the messages or to even hear them. Everywhere I looked, there seemed to be pockets of noise/distractions. I need to learn how to shut out the outside distractions but sometimes it's hard. For example, if I'm on the phone and Matt's trying to tell me to ask the person I'm talking to a question, I have to stop my phone conversation to hear what Matt is asking. My Mom can talk and listen to 2 different conversations at the same time. I don't know how, but I clearly do not posses that talent.

Well, I hope everyone has a great week!

Get Ready...

...for lots of pictures!

We are finally getting the Internet back on Thursday, and I will be trying to back-post pictures.

Matt is working at the Elementary School as one of the evening Janitors and it's been really good for him...and us : )

Things have been really good.

Tanner is so stinkin' funny. We were at the park on Friday and he said to me "I'm going to go out with my favorite girl tonight"
ME: Who's your favorite girl?
T: You are Mom!

Last Sunday
T: Does Heavenly Father have a t.v.?
M: I don't think so, why?
T: Because I want to watch my Liken movies with Him.

Ah... the joy!

Anyways, I'll be back with much much more in the next week or so.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JAMIE!!

I'm half way done

I am just about finished my Christmas cards. I just glued the "face" part of the cards onto the card stock. I think I have done 150 cards or more. It stinks that I can't post pictures. I am hoping that we can get Internet at our house in the new year. Then I'll have to back post a ton of pictures.

Matt left this morning for Medicine Hat for a week. He has some temporary work for now. I don't mind him being gone during the day but I really hate being alone at night. Tanner will be sleeping in our bed while Matt's away. Tanner loves to sleep with us but he's a bit of a bed hog so we don't do the 'family' bed thing. He can sleep with either one of us, but not both of us.

Tanner was so funny the other day. He got $26 for his birthday and Matt was asking him what he was going to get with it. This is the conversation:

Matt: So, what are you going to get with all that money you got for your birthday?

T: (without hesitation) a really cool hot wheels

M: but grandma collins got you 5 new cool hot wheels. pause...Aren't they cool enough?

T: uhhh...no! I need a cooler hot wheels. Or maybe I'll buy a really cool backugan.

As if the toys he got weren't cool enough! I am seriously thinking of having him go through his toys in December and having him fill a box to give away or donate. He has a ridiculous amount of toys. I think we might make this a yearly tradition at Christmas time. I think it will help him to be more giving and generous. He recently broke a friends toy and I told him he would have to choose one of his new birthday toys that he got and give it to his friend. He was really upset about that, but he needs to learn that he can't go around being careless with other people's toys. He has to be respectful. Maybe I'm over-reacting....I don't know. Is this just a "boy" thing or can they learn to be respectful of toys? I'm glad that for Christmas, we got him the Transformers cartoon on DVD and Santa made him a rag quilt. We decided not to get him toys because even though I have asked people not to, they always do buy him toys. Matt has a large family and I have a fair size family that buys lots of toys for him so Matt and I do other things. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one with this problem of excess toy giving. Maybe as he gets older it will calm down a bit. Okay, so that was good to get it off my chest.

Well, I think that's about it for now. As I am telling myself today "chin up, tomorrow is a new day."

Have a good one.

A great day

Yesterday was a great day! Do you ever have those perfect days where everything just go great and there's nothing, at the end of the day, that you can think of that you didn't like? I love those days. Even Tanner was so good and obedient. A funny story about him...okay more like a conversation:

Matt: You did great today at skating buddy!

Tanner: Yeah! (this is a VERY typical response. He doesn't really say thank you unless you prompt him to)

M: pretty soon you'll be skating better than me.

T: Yeah...pause....and swimming too





Matt got pretty good at swimming this summer, but Tanner is better than him. We all had a good laugh about that.

Matt is home now as the season ended on Monday. I told him it was nice to have him home and he said "we'll see if you think that in 4 days". It can drive me batty to have him home but recently, I actually really enjoy it.

I was looking at where I was in my scripture reading this morning...I am WAY behind. I really wanted to read the Book of Mormon and the Old Testament this year but I am only in Numbers 21 and in 2 Nephi 18. I guess I feel like I've been able to get more out of my studies than just reading it and not really pondering it and thinking about what I'm reading. When I finish, the next time I read them I'm going to keep a scripture journal and write any thoughts or questions I have on them. I try to do something new each time when I read the scriptures. I'm just reading about Moses and when his brother Aaron died. I just love learning about the things in the Old Testament. I never really fully appreciated learning about them when I was a teenager. I think as we grow, we learn to appreciate them a lot more because we can apply them in our lives more easily. We have more life experience and have experienced more trials.

We had a great Stake Conference this last weekend. I was able to go to the Adult session and Matt went to the Sunday session. Tanner had been sick all week and I am a little paranoid of him getting the H1N1 so I kept him home. If I could, I would keep him home this week too...but we can't all live in a bubble. Anyways, Matt and I took turns going. The theme was "Lord, I would follow Thee". We had a great talk on how we need to ultimately rely heavily on the Lord because he is the one constant in our lives. It was a really good talk. I wish they would publish the conferences in a newsletter so we could re-read them. You can only write notes so fast and you usually miss stuff.

Well, I think that's it for now. Tanner and I made Pumpkin Chocolate Chip cookies. I'll put the recipe up later. They are most excellent.

better late than never

It's been a while...I know! Our Canada day was great. My family was here for the big event and then we had a BBQ at my aunts. Later that day we had another BBQ at my friends and then we went to the town carnival. It was so much fun!

Here's something I've been thinking about for the last few days. It is my opinion and I know not everyone will agree but here it is. When a person gets engaged and has a bridal shower is it appropriate, even if the bride wants it, to give lingerie? I don't think it is. If you are a member of the church, IN MY OPINION, you shouldn't even be wearing that kind of stuff. At a shower recently held, the bride got some risky lingerie. Even if it was a joke, I don't think it's appropriate because it only makes the giver of the gift look bad...especially if it's another member of the church. My opinion is that it's wrong. But obviously, that's just me. I am learning to not speak my opinion so freely because it can get me in trouble sometimes and because I realize that not everyone thinks the same way I do...thank goodness!

Tanner is in swim class this week and next and he loves it. He loves the water and I'm hoping he learns some techniques instead of just playing around in the water. I am doing some fun things like mini at home camps with him. This week I'm doing a sports theme and we are going to play all different kind of sports. Last week we did a space theme and made planets and aliens. Next week we're doing an airplane theme and we're going to build an airplane (not a real one) and talk about different kinds of planes. Tanner likes it and is excited about our different themes. He's so cute.

The other night he kept coming out of his room (which is really out of character for him) and finally in a firm, strong tone I told him to stay in his room and go to bed. I went in his room to check to make sure he was staying in there and he said to me "you're a terrible Mom". I told him "I'm sorry you feel that way, but I love you". Then Matt said to me "you know why he says that, don't you?" and I told him I didn't. It's because sometimes when I do things like the one time I forgot to put on his bike helmet and my friend gave me trouble, I said "I'm sorry I forgot, I'm such a terrible Mom". Not even thinking about it. But I guess I do it more than just that one time because Matt said he's heard me say it a few times. So I have to watch what I say about myself.

Other than that, our summer has been going great.

I can't stop!

I can not stop reading. I LOVE LOVE LOVE reading. I have read 8 books in the last 4 months and I am itching to start reading another but I'm trying to not read more than 2 books a month. PLUS I am reading the Book of Mormon, Old Testament, and D&C in addition to these other books. How do I have time for normal every day stuff like picking up Tanner, making supper, doing laundry, cleaning???? I don't know, but I do. Maybe because I'm up at 6am every morning to do the paper route and I read when I come home before Tanner wakes up. Maybe I'm more efficient at keeping my house tidy and I don't even notice that I'm doing it. It's amazing to me that I can read that fast. I just finished this really great book that I would highly recommend to any woman. It's called "behind every good man" It's by John Bytheway. He is such a good author. I was lucky enough to hear him once at a fireside. He is so funny and puts things into a perspective that is easy to relate to.

Tanner started soccer last week and he loves it. He slept with the soccer jersey on that night and wore it the next day as well. What a funny boy. I just love him.

The other night we had Doritos and he asked if he could have some "Dorts" and I was like "huh?". So he pointed to the bag I had and said, "you know, Dorts." I then pointed to the word Doritos and told him that's what they were called. he still called them Dorts. He's so funny.

I went for lunch with my Aunt today. Going for lunch makes me feel rich for some reason. I always think that only rich people eat out for lunch. So it's nice. It makes me feel special.

Anyways, I think that's it for now. We are looking forward to the summer...as I'm sure most of you are.

Could somone please shoot me???

Normally, for those of you who know me, I rarely complain about pain. I have a very high threshold for pain and even my Mother will tell you that she never knew when I was sick except if she looked at my eyes and they were glassy and by that time, I was sick, not just a little cough but sick. Anyways, can I just say that I am almost unbearably uncomfortable today. My neck is so sore. No I don't have Meningitis. I went to the doctor and he checked my neck and said although it was sore it was still loose enough not to be concerned about. Plus I'm not sick sick.

I thought I was pregnant...3 week late...but 3 negative tests...2 pee sticks and one blood...show otherwise. I have been unusually nauseated and tired and thought that was why. But no.

So now they are going to run a bunch of blood work and I've been referred to a GYN to get a histogram (I think that's what they're called.) I've had one before and they are not comfortable. Anyways, I hope that by Monday my neck is better because I feel like I can't live with this constant pain. It's been going strong for 2 weeks so I'm doping up on robaxacet this weekend and we'll see how that goes. If that doesn't work, they'll inject this stuff that freezes my muscles or something and it relieves the pressure on the joint and or muscles. Cut my neck off, I don't care. Just let this pain go away! So that's enough complaining for now...moving on.

I took down our guest room this week and put Tanner's room in where it was and made Tanner's room into the play/reading room. It's so nice to not have toys all over the living room and kitchen. That way if I want to read or watch a movie, he's not in there making a bunch of noise.

Tanner had a really special day on Thursday (yesterday). He was invited to school for a spa day. They are working on the "m" sound so they had foot massages, marshmallow "m" pictures to make, milkshakes, music and a movie called Madeline's manners. It was so fun. I got to help with the massages of the kids feet. He normally doesn't go to school on Thursday so it was a real treat for both of us. His teacher called up and invited him to come and he thought that was pretty neat.

His teachers are really impressed at how well he reads. He's reading at about a grade 1 level maybe a little higher. They haven't tested him but he can read big words like package, and especially, and chocolate, and loose. Words that most kids can't read until they are older. We are so very blessed to have a child that reads so well. We are trying to focus on his fine motor skills like printing and threading beads on strings to get fine motor control of his hands. It's frustrating for him sometimes, but it's important to have this skill for printing. He gets to have a transformer when he's done his workbook that we have for him. He is really excited about that. He keeps telling Matt and I every day that he's really into Transformers. He carries the one he has around the house everywhere and can't wait to get another one so his Optimus Prime will have someone to "fight" with.

He has gotten so sweet and caring lately. The other day I asked him to go play in the toy room because he had his toys in the living room and I was trying to read the Ensign and he said "but you'll be all alone" and I said it was okay because I was just going to be reading about Joseph Smith and he said "but I don't want you to be all alone". Also, when I switched his room, when he saw it for the first time, he told me 4 times that he loved it, he really loved it, thank you, it was the best room ever and he really loved it.

Well, I think that's about it for now. I hope February is a great month for everyone. I can't believe that January is already over. We celebrated 9 years on the 28th of January. Time really does fly.

Something cute Tanner said

Today when we were playing doctor with Tanner he asked me what was wrong (he was the doctor) and I said that my nose hurt and that I thought it was broken. So he said "I'll go to heaven and ask Heavenly Father for a new one for you". So he comes back in the room and says "how do you get to heaven?". So I explained to him that people go to heaven when they die. So he said he would die and go to heaven and get me a new nose and come back. I then tried to calmly, without laughing at him, explain that our bodies actually heal themselves and that we don't have to die and get new things from Heavenly Father to have our broken bodies repaired. It was so cute.

My sister got to come home today from the hospital from being in there for a few days because of low hemoglobin. I can't wait to meet him and hold him and cuddle him. Megan says that he is already perfect at nursing so that's really good news.

Matt's work season ended yesterday so we are back at square one looking for a new job. I'm not too overly stressed about it. I feel like I have more faith this time and that I trust more in the Lord to provide the way. I won't lie and say I'm not nervous at all but I really don't feel stressed, so I feel like that's a good sign. So I think that's it for now. I could write more but I'm getting my hair trimmed and Tanner's shag mop is getting cut so we have to leave pretty soon. Thanks for all the congrats on my sister's new baby. We are all really really excited.

9 days!

I can't even believe that I haven't blogged for so long! So much has happened and I can't even remember it all...lol. First, I have underestimated my own husband. They had a father son camp out last night and I packed Tanner an ridiculously enormous amount of clothes because I was so worried that he would be cold. Guess what I forgot though???? His rain coat. And guess what happened last night while they were camping???? It rained! So when Matt and Tanner got home, I saw his raincoat and asked if I had mindlessly packed it. Matt said he had packed it! What a great husband I have!!!! AMAZING! I could barely sleep because I was so worried that he would be wet and cold. But my wonderful, amazing husband packed it!!!!! I love him so much!

Second, I lost my job. Not much love is lost...lol. I'm happy but sad at the same time. Happy that I don't have to deal with that high high drama but sad that we won't have the extra money. We'll be okay but it will have to be more careful with our money. It was nice that we were able to have the money for a while because I was able to get the material for Tanner's blanket without feeling like we would have to live on pasta for a while. It's fine. I'm fine. Christmas is coming and so is my birthday...my surprise one.....hint hint!!!! lol.

Tanner started pre-school on Wednesday. He adores it. When I went to pick him up on the second day he said to me "I had a great first day at school". It's so great to have a routine in the morning and actually be able to be highly productive in getting things done around the house.

I also was able to can peaches and pears. It was great. I am so grateful for being able to can and have a wonderful lady teach me how to do it. I thought it would be much harder than it really was. It is time consuming but so worth it! Then last night while Matt and Tanner were gone, I made 9 1/2 quarts of raspberry jam. I LOVE LOVE LOVE raspberry jam. Last year I only made half that so I am ecstatic about this years results.

We are heading up to Calgary this week and I'll finish my quilt at my Aunts. I'm excited to be going up and finish the quilt. I also made a quilt for my sister so I'm going to finish that too. My sister's pelvis is separating so we are praying for her and hoping that her discomfort doesn't last long. It's funny...well, not funny but ironic that both Tanner and my sister's baby were prayed for and fasted for even before they came here. What an amazing blessing to have the gospel and have the Lord on our side.


The quilt/blanket I made for Megan for her baby. We're not sure what it is so it's pretty universal. Also reversible















Tanner's quilt

Anyways, I hope everyone is having a great day and I'll write more soon.

Safety

Today in Primary the Teacher was talking about how the Holy Ghost helps to answer our prayers and she related a story about how when she was getting her children ready to go to swimming she lost one of her children. She looked all around the house and in their yard but couldn't find him. So she said a quick prayer and the feeling that came to her was that he was at the pool. She ignored the prompting and continued to look because she didn't feel that her son would ever just start walking to the pool on his own. So one of the other members in the ward saw him and went to tell the boys mother. So Tanner turns to me after this story (he's sitting a row in front and across from me) and says "Are you coming to my swimming this week?" and I replied that I was. Then he says "I won't go alone. I will wait for you and not walk there by myself". To which I said thank you and "turn around and be reverent please". Everyone had a little chuckle over that. I love him, he's so cute!

The Elders are having a father/son camp out in September and my boys (meaning Matt and Tanner) are SOOOOOOO excited. It will be Tanner's first camp out with Matt in a place other than our backyard. AND! I'm excited to have the night for myself. Maybe I'll have a girls night....hmmmmmm

Night at the Roxbury

Okay so the title of this post has nothing to do with the actual post. I was just being random in my title....lol.

Our yard sale was very slow today and we only made $10. So we packed it up early and took everything into Value Village. Then we headed over to Blockbuster and traded in our DVD's for credit. We got a credit of $12 so we are going to save it until Prince Caspian comes out and use the credit towards buying the movie. I can't wait, I'm so excited!

Then, because Tanner was such a great little helper we let him have the change we couldn't deposit in the bank machine to get a little treat (it was only $3.35). So we went over to Toys R Us and he picked out 2 Hot Wheels and a .25 gum from the gum machine. When I asked him what he was going to pick, he said just gum. When I told him that he had money to buy more than just gum if he wanted, he jumped up and down and said he was going to get a Hot Wheels. It was pretty cute.

So now we are finishing our lesson for tomorrow and watching Narnia (The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe).

I am planning on going to bed super early tonight as it's been a long, hot day. So until tomorrow.

Just a few more things...lol

I forgot to write a few more things so I know you've already heard 2 times today from me, but here's more.

I was noticing things that Tanner does that he gets from Matt or I. First, he always shrugs one shoulder when we ask him something. That's from me. Second, when he showers, he showers exactly like me. His hands are always in the same position when he gets in as mine are when I get in. Then when he turns around, his hands are the same as mine are when I turn around. When he eats he ALWAYS says: mmmmm, this is soooo good. I usually say that too. Anyways, I thought it was kind of endearing to share those.

Oh, Lynn, to answer your question about what we had when our treck daughter came over, we had Spaghetti. Matt and A.J even had an eating contest. It was HILARIOUS! I have pictures, but I won't post them. Tanner even got in on the action. I was already full when they decided to do that.

This weekend, Matt's mom came to visit. Just a little background...when Matt and I were dating and then got engaged, it was Matt's Dad that was furious. He thought that we were rushing into things. Matt had just come home off his mission 2 months before and he thought it was too fast and that Matt wasn't mature enough to support 2of us. His Mom has always been supportive and I've always really liked her but I never felt like I loved her in that way that my Mom did with her mother in law or that I adored her. I have now gotten there and I really do love her a lot and she is so wonderful. I never feel judged by her and I never feel like I have to be on my best behavior when she's around. If Matt and I are discussing something, I never feel like we should go somewhere else to discuss it like I do when my Mom is here. Don't get me wrong I love my Mom no matter what, but there are some things that I don't do when my Mom is here. Anywho...I just really enjoy my Mother in Law. I guess that maybe comes with some maturing and growing.

While Marilyn was here, she treated us...more so Tanner, to lunch at McDonalds and then bought Tanner his birthday gift (his birthday isn't until the end of the year). But she wanted to get it for him now because it's a basketball hoop and ball so she wanted him to enjoy it now that the weather is nice.

We also had a family ward picnic on Friday. It was so much fun! Tanner loved every minute of it and he even went canoeing. I thought that the turn out was pretty good and it seemed like everyone had lots of fun. I love ward stuff like that. I remember this one time in Calgary that there was an activity planned and only 3 or 4 families showed up to it because they all thought it was going to be cancelled because it was kind of windy and spitting out. Anyways, I thought it was the best activity because I got to know some of the other Sisters that I didn't really know that well. So really, I think it's sometimes about our attitude. Even though it does seem funner when there are lots of people. I love the activity of it all and I love watching and listening to what others are doing and talking about. When I'm not chasing after Tanner, I am an observer for the most part. I like to hear other people's stories and learn from their life.

Okay, so I think that's it for now...lol. Until next time...

Swimming Pool job???

This conversation just happened a few minutes ago

Tanner: Maybe you could get a job at the swimming pool and pay me and mommy to go to the pool (Matt took Tanner over to the pool to see when public swimming was)

Matt: If I worked at the pool, people would drown because Daddy doesn't know how to swim

Tanner: But you could still work there.

A little bit of this and that

First off, I have to get these stories written down before I forget. Yesterday when we were eating dinner my tummy grumbled really really loud and Tanner asks "who farted" and so I told him it was my tummy talking saying it was really hungry. So he said to me "no it wasn't, you farted" then he tried to force a fart himself with his face totally red. Matt and I were rolling on the floor laughing it was so funny.

Then today, he told Matt that he was his best friend. So cute!

I was able to go into town with my Aunt today. It was a nice break from being home and thinking about life. It was really exactly what I needed. A day out with just someone I love a lot. No kids, no spouses, no time limits, no agendas (well, only to run a few errands, but we spent as much time as we wanted at each place). It was perfect. And we didn't talk about my situation which was SOOOOO nice. I just get so wrapped up and consumed that I can't think about anything else.

I also am now making cards for the residents at the hospital. A lady in our ward that works there called me and asked if I'd donate my time to make cards that the staff members can sign and give to the residents there on their birthday's. I'm happy to help and it will give me something to do. I've made a ton of baby cards and now I'm working on Thank You cards. Then birthday. As well as the birthday ones for the hospital.

We've had a bunch of rain here. It's good for the farmers and I don't mind it.

My little sister has been in Europe for 6 weeks and she's coming home on Saturday. I don't get to see her that often in the first place so it doesn't really phase me. Then she will be moving out right away. Sad for my Mom but a step for her.

My Mom is turning 60 this year and she's having a HUGE party this summer. I am in charge of games so if any of you have any tried and true games, I'd love to hear what they are. My Mom thought about doing some old games. Like games she would have played as a young girl or young adult. My Aunt and I are gathering ideas for "old fashioned" games. I have a couple of games in mind, but it might be nice to get some other ideas. I'm very excited to be a part of this huge party. I am very much like my Mom. I LOVE parties! I don't host them very much because we don't have the space to have a lot of people in our tiny place. One day...

Well, until next time....it's bee a great day!

Afraid

Hearing about people dying is always a very difficult for me for a lot of reasons. Mostly, I think, becaue it puts my life in perspective and makes me think about what I would do in that kind of situation. Death has always been a very prevelant thing in my life (I know that sounds really horrible, but it feels like people and family members die like flies in my family) and it's sometimes really really hard. I was thinking about this family friend of ours who's son died this last week.

Now before you think I'm wallowing in self pity, please know that I AM NOT. For some reason the situation around the death of this very young person evokes A LOT of feelings.

I thought about what I would do and how my life would be different if that were me. The bottom line whenever I think about death is that I am afraid. Terrified, actually. I, for a long time, have not liked going to sleep because I am afriad I or someone in my house might die when I am asleep. I'm not afraid of death itself...in terms of meeting the Savior and seeing my Dad again, but the reason I am afriad is because:

1. I honestly don't think anyone else could love me as unconditionally as Matt does. I don't think that I have been the easiest person to love and I know that he loves me no matter what and he always tells me I'm perfect to him. I'm not sure my heart would ever be full again without him in my life.

2. I think that I've had my fair share of death in my immediate family. Losing my Dad...well, that's a whole other post which I would never write about because it is such a personal, intimate thing for me that I would never choose to expose my feelings on that to "bloggerland" stalkers.

3. I COULD NOT ever leave Tanner. Now I know what I'm about to say may come off egotistical or arrogant but I'm sure those of you who know me and my life, will understand where it is coming from. I truly don't believe that anyone else in this whole world is as capable of taking care of Tanner or loving him like I do. I don't believe that anyone else could ever truly appreciate the struggles that we have endured to have him here and to get him to where he is and who he is. I just would be sick if Matt go re-married and she was horrible and spiteful or resentful of our experience and journey with Tanner.

4. I am afraid to be alone. That is one of my deepest fears. I just can't be alone. I don't think that I could start over again with the whole dating thing etc. That would be so hard, I think. I'm not very young...I'm not old, either, but it would take more effort now.

5. We can't afford for any of us to die. That sounds terrible, but I don't know how we'd pay for a funeral. So that's my sanity right now is knowing that we can't literally afford for any of us to die.

I'm sorry that this is a bit of a morbid post, I just needed to write down my personal feelings on the situation. This post is a bit more intimate than my normal posts but this is just who I am and what I feel.

On a different note here are a couple of Tanner sayings:

When his friend Shelby came to the door he ran to the bathroom (where I was at) and yelled "MOM, MOM, my girlfriend is here!"

Then later that evening, we were getting ready to go to Cardston to the high school play and he said "Who's going to babysit me while you and Daddy are gone?" and I said "No one is, you're coming with us" and his cute face lit up and he said "I get to come?". He loves going to Cardston and know's it a special place and he loves seeing the Temple. We can tell he's excited to go there already. We take him there for pictures and last year we went for a picnic there. We're going to try and do that again this summer. I think it's a really special thing to be able to take him there. Even if he can only go inside the foyer or on the lawn. He know's it's a special place.

Work was so slow tonight and so I got A LOT done. We have this weekly cleaning chart to do and I did all of it (except 4 things) on Wednesday because it was slow that night too. Well, tonight, I re-did all the things again plus did the 4 things I didn't get to on Wednesday. Plus, I cleaned a bunch of other things too. It was such a nice feeling to be able to get it all done. Sometimes the other girls are not as productive and then it leaves little time to do the extra stuff that could be done if they'd stop chit chatting or texting their friends while sitting around doing NOTHING!. Aghh...there's a reason it's called W-O-R-K people. It's not a slack off job. If you can't mulit-task and chat and work (meaning cleaning) then don't chat. Anyways, enough said about that. It's just that the girl I worked with tonight is like that ALL the time and that's why I think I get more done when I'm working with her because I try to do all the things I know she won't. She usually just watches me clean. Which is fine by me. Okay, now I'm done the work rant for real.

I have an amazing husband. When I came home on Tuesday, he was home and had cleaned the whole house. Plus he usually makes supper now and he let's me sleep in after a night shift on the weekend. He's so wonderful. I just really really really love him.

Okay, so that's it for now. Until later.

A possible new job

Matt has been looking endlessly for a new job and giving out resumes and spreading the word that he's looking desperatley for a new job. His friends plumbing business just isn't cutting it for Matt. Once Matt get's a new job, I'll post more on that later. Anyways, one of the places he dropped his resume off was Greyhound. So yesterday the called here and asked if he was home and I told them he wasn't. Then they asked if Matt was still looking for work and I said deifnitely. So I gave them Matt's cell phone number. About 5 minutes later, Matt called and said that he was on his way to an interview for the job!!!!! I couldn't have been happier than if I had a bowl full of chocolate in front of me. They said that he's at the top of the list for getting the job, but they had a few more interviews in the next day or two. So we are praying very hard that he gets this job. It's garenteed 10 hours a day (7-5) and holidays off and unless they have a high volume of deliveries on the weekend, then he get's weekends off too. The pay isn't as great as plumbing, but it's not a huge decrease. It's a $3 decrease but it would be worth it, and we would make it work. Plus with me working, it wouldn't be that bad. But it would be work that he would always have the hours for. None of this sitting around all day not getting paid waiting for phone calls. So please pray that he get's this job if it is the Lord's will.
A couple of Tanner stories. On Saturday, we went into Lethbridge to go to Superstore for a few veggies and fruit (the local merc does NOT have good produce. It lasts about 2 days before it goes totally and completly bad). So I had to get some pictures developed of my Primary kids for the lesson the next day. I didn't know that I accidently chose the 1 hour service so instead of staying and browsing around Superstore, we headed over to Toys R Us just to look. We were almost there and this is the conversation:

Tanner:I'm really thirsty Mommy.

Me: I'm sorry, we don't have any water in the car. Maybe we can find some somewhere

Tanner: but I'm REALLY REALLY thirsty.

Me: Oh, I know...Toys R Us has a water fountain and you can get a drink there.

T: Like our Church?

Me: Yep

T: Like our Raymond church

Me: Yeah

T: Oh!

Me: Well, it's not OUR church, it's Heavenly Father's Church. We just go there.

T: In the Raymond Church where there's a water fountain?

Me: Yeah, but it's not our chuch. It's Heavenly Father's Church

T: Right, right, right, it's Heavenly Father's church in Raymond.

Me: Yes honey

Then about 20 seconds later we are sitting at a stop light and he sees the train that's close to where the Toys R Us is and this is how this one goes:

T: LOOK DADDY!!! It's the Polar express

Matt: Yeah, you're right, it does look like the Polar Express doesn't it

Me: Is it the Polar express?

T: NO Daddy, it doesn't look like the Polar Express, IT IS the Polar Express!

He hasn't even watched that movie since Christmas, but it's a favorite. It was so cute how determined he was to let his father know that it didn't look like the Polar Express but that it was in fact the Polar Express.

Here's a question: when you're 4 year old tells you he doesn't want to go to church, what do you say?

Tanner told us on Sunday that he didn't want to go to church. I think it was because he went to bed late and wanted to stay in bed, but I could be wrong. Matt and I both told him that he didn't really get a choice in the matter because he wasn't old enough to make that choice. We told him that Church is where Heavenly Father and Jesus want us to be and that going to church makes them happy and when we're happy, they're happy. We told him that we always go to church every Sunday and that we were all going to go.

What would your suggestions/ideas be? These are such crucial teaching moments and I would never tell Tanner "because I said so" because I really didn't like it when my Mom told me that. I always try to give a reason to things. I want to be able to give a reason so that he doesn't feel like...Okay, here's my reason for giving reasons. I think in most, NOT ALL, circumstances that there should be a reason. For example, if I asked my Mom (when I was a teenager/young adult) if I could go out and she just said "no" and I asked why and her reply was "because I said so", it made me feel like she was trying to control my life and choices. I need a reason, no matter how dumb it may be, just tell me why. Is it because you don't trust me? Is it because you just don't want me to go out? Is it because I've gone out too much? Is it because you don't trust my friends? Just tell me why.
So I have made it a point to try and do that for Tanner. Even when I want to say "because I said so", I stop myself and think of the reason why. For example, he asked for peanut butter and honey today at 3pm. It's not that he can't have that, but I wanted him to have something a little healthier and get him to eat some more veggies/fruits so I said "no, but you can have an apple, grapes, cucumber, yougurt or cheese". He picked the yogurt, but that's just an example of what I do. I always make sure that I can live and am willing to accept the choice that I give him. I wouldn't say "not, but you can have a cookie". I hope that makes sense.

I just want to be able to teach him the right things and help encourage him to do what's right. Maybe a different approach would be better in the situation like him not wanting to go to church. So I'm putting it out there to ask and get feedback.

Well, I think that's it for now. Until next time...

Just some thoughts

Last night when I was at my Mom's she told me something that kind of bothered me and I prayed about it on the way home...not with my eyes closed, but in my heart. Then today I got Tanner home from school and low and behold, there was the answer to my prayers in his back pack in the school calendar.

His speech went really well but his Doctor's appointment did not. He would not sit/lay still so he was kind of a moving taget for the Doctor to check his testicle. Then after we were leaving to go to the car, he said to me "I had so much fun at the Doctors." WHAT!!!!! Are you kidding me??? I said to him " you have a really funny way of showing that you have fun at the doctors".

Matt said to me the other day that being born is an oxymoron because it's one day closer to dying. I have been saying that for a few years now and everyone thinks I'm crazy. Of course we don't focus on the dying part. We live each day to the fullest, but being born really is like an oxymoron.

So those are just some thoughts for the day.