Here's my problem that I'm facing right now and I've been pretty ho humming about it all week because I can't seem to let it go for some reason. Usually within a few days of something happening, I can let it slide or I realize I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill.
First, on Saturday night when I was putting Tanner to bed, he had a toy in his hand and I took it away after I told him it was bed time. What he did...I honestly can't even believe he did this, but he punched....no, not even just a hit, but punched me right in the face! It's the first time that I have ever felt my initial response should be to hit him back but I DIDN'T! I looked him straight in the face and said "Tanner, that is not okay to hit. It's not nice and I don't like it." Then Matt went in and talked to him. Lately, he's been acting out a lot more and acting, and I hate to say it, but it's true, but a spoiled brat. I know he's spoiled more than I'd like him to be and I know that I contribute to that, but so do other people.
Anyways, so I was telling my Mom and older sister this and she (my older sister) said "Well, I guess you better stop spoiling him and change your parenting". I then said that it wasn't just Matt and I but her and Mom and everybody else and this is her response to that "well, we're not going to stop spoiling him because that's what Aunt's and Grandma's do"
WHAT!!!!!!!
I couldn't even believe it.
So Matt and I talked about rules and consequences and these are what we came up with.
1. No hitting-consequence is no special treats, no play dates, no special outings, no extra movies for 1 week.
He can watch his normal up to 2 movies a day but we won't rent a movie or get a movie from the Library as something special.
2. No yelling- consequence is going to room until he's ready to talk nicely. We decided that this is a natural consequence to be removed from where he can yell at people. I've actually told him that if he's going to yell, he can go in his room at yell at his animals and toys if he's frustrated but it's not okay to yell at other people.
3. listening- The consequence for not listening is no movies for 1-2 days. Depending on the severity of not listening will determine how long he goes without movies. For example; if he ran out on the road after we warned him 2 times not to, that would be a 2 day non movie consequence. This one is a bit tricky because if he didn't listen when asked to pick up his toys, the natural thing we'd do is take his toys away. Or if he didn't eat his supper, then he doesn't eat. Or if he doesn't put on his p.j.s, then he'll be cold in the night, etc. We just find that if he's not doing something that we are trying to teach him, if we warn him that we'll take away his movies, he usually will be more willing.
So here's the problem, even though I know that Matt and I are ultimately the parents and we have talked about these rules for not just Tanner but all of us, do you think that the 1 week consequence is too severe for hitting?
When I told someone about this today they said that they thought that having stuff taken away is a little extreme for a 4 year old.
We just don't know what else to do. How do you teach someone not to hit when they continue to do it? And what's the "natural" consequence for hitting someone? I'm at a loss here because I've never even babysat a child that had a hitting problem.
And then the other thing is what if he hits in that week that he's lost privileges? Do you make it longer?
I really need some help because I'm so frustrated and feeling completely and utterly incapable of being a good parent and teaching him that these things are not okay.
Maybe there are other factors in my feelings of total inadequacy as a person in whole. Maybe because it's that time, or maybe because I had a really crappy time in Calgary (except when I was at Jamies), or maybe because I really am failing right now in life. Maybe because Matt told me last night that he really wants another baby, maybe because I feel like I can't catch my breath for a minute, maybe because I wish Matt could find a job that he actually would get hours for.
My Mom use to have these days every once in a blue moon that she called her "mad Bill days". She just got mad inside because my Dad is gone and wasn't there to help her co-parent and be the support that she needed. Well, I like to call my days "mad at life" days. And that's what I'm having is a mad life day...okay, it's a mad at life week.
I just wish the world could stop for just a minute for me to find my bearings again. I'm really worried about my sister going to Europe for 6 weeks with a friend. I don't know why, but it really worries me. I'm very concerned.
Okay, so this wasn't meant to be a "feel sorry for me" post. I just really need some suggestions on the hitting and consequence thing. That's all.
On a positive note, I DID get my running shoes today, which I am SOOOOO excited about. These are them:
**Don't forget, if you haven't already, to post a comment on the pay it forward post if you want to win something.
Until next time...
3 years ago
