5 for today

Well, the memory that makes me smile the most in the last 12 months is Tanner's baptism. If you want to know what's made me smile the most in the past 3 months it's probably realizing that I'm growing.

Hands down, my Dad...and the outdoor fashion shows in the backyard (and other backyard shenanigans), picking raspberries for FHE, family reunions, the farm, and riding our bikes in the alley.

A hug




What I believe and know

That I'm a snob, hard hearted, unfriendly and/or mean.

Now onto a different subject. I know the Hunger Games are coming out and, honestly, I do not see or understand the infatuation with these books/movie. Why on earth do people want to read about kids killing other kids/people for sport? I just don't get how that in any way can be interesting or worth reading. Obviously this is just my opinion but I don't get it. I don't have any intention of seeing the movie or ever reading the books. That's just me, though.

Last week, I took Jill out for her birthday and she chose Osho's for dinner which I was super happy about because I've wanted to go there for so long but Matt's a picky eater and didn't want to brave it with me. It was so yummy! I hope to go many more times. Ever since East Side Marios closed we haven't found a new favorite restaurant. I think I might be able to convince him that Osho's is a great new place!

What's your favorite place to eat?

I have been really bad at taking pictures of anything lately! I am so mad at myself. We've tried a bunch of new recipes and I forgot to take pictures. I guess I will have to find the pictures online. I love pinterest for that reason. I try to keep my boards realistic so I don't get overwhelmed be wishing I had what I don't need.

Tanner...such a funny boy! On Sunday night he was running a fever and breathing funny (he was quite congested) and when we asked him what was wrong he said "I don't want to die. I think I have cancer". The only thing I can think of where he got that is because at dinner Matt asked what I wanted to drink and I said water...but not tap water because I didn't want to get cancer from drinking the tap water (as a joke!). I don't really like the taste or our water so I always boil water and add some lemon to it and keep it in the fridge so that's what I normally drink. Anyways, Tanner picked up on it, I guess...oops!

This is a HUGE shocker...mostly because I am pretty strict with myself in being organized and on time for everything! Unless it's a RS activity that is on a night when I work. Then that is totally out of my control...I will be late. Anyways, the huge shocker is that for the last month I have NOT been able to get myself out of the door to get to work to get there early. I'm not late but I usually am there right on time. This is kinda huge for me because I like to get to every place in my life early. I can not get myself organized in the morning. I think that part of the problem is because I have started taking my time when getting ready. More so in the bathroom putting on my make up and doing my hair and showering. It annoys me if I can't get my outfit picked out the night before so I can just get up and get dressed. If I take more than 5 minutes to decide what to wear I get super annoyed and think "Uhhhh, I have nothing to wear" and I literally have to walk out of my closet and do something else. I usually just throw on my clothes and slap on some make up and go but now for some odd reason I take my time. Do I look better when I take my time???? Heck no! I do my make up the same. I have 3-4 hair styles I wear all the time. So my goal is to get my act together and stop staring at myself in the mirror and get going out the door to work.

So there you go. 10 random things on Thursday.

So thankful

Yesterday we had testimony meeting because we missed it last Sunday. There were lots of people who were thankful for the service that was given to them because of the big snow storm. As I was thinking, I thought about how grateful I am to the people who helped us with cheerful attitudes. After talking to my Mom and realizing that no one even offered her help to dig out her garage...not a neighbor, not a member of her ward, no one, it made me think about how blessed I am to live in a community where everyone helps everyone else and that's just what we do. It makes me grateful that I DON'T live in a city...even Lethbridge. More positives just went on my list of things that make where I live a great place to live!

I have reflected a lot on the last year and this year has been for sure one of my top 5 years. 2000 was one: married! 2003 another: Tanner born 2008:Emerson coming into the family and 2009: turning 30. This has been a wonderful year filled with, I feel, much growth for all of my family. I am looking forward to a new year with, hopefully, more growth (read:maturity), more love, more joy, more learning, more fun/sad/challenging times. I am sad to be saying goodbye to my Primary kids. I had a rough patch with them but I have really grown to love them and have love, love, loved teaching them.

We are making and decorating Sugar cookies tonight...most likely just making and decorating tomorrow. We have also had a p.j. party and watched 'The Flinstones Christmas Carol, 'The Muppets Christmas Carol', and 'A Christmas Carol' (the first, black and white version). I have never seen any of those. I have seen a version of the Christmas carol, but I can't remember which one it was. I have also seen the actual play twice. I LOVED it! You must go if you can. It is well worth the money and it's such a neat experience.


In process of making the cookies



The decorated cookies


Saturday, we went to the Temple in the bad weather. It took us 55 minutes (normally 35 minutes) because we drove so slowly. I love the Temple and I love that Matt and I have made a commitment to make it a priority in our life. We have truly benefited and been blessed because of it.

We went today and picked out our yearly Christmas tree ornament. We decided that every year, since we moved, we would pick a new ornament as a family. The first year I picked a stocking. Last year Tanner picked a glass tree, and this year Matt picked a snow filled snowman ornament/ball. None of them match the Blue and Silver decor that is on our tree, but each ornament has special memories from that year.

Well, that's all we've been up to for now. I am starting to get really excited for Christmas. I will be back tomorrow and Wednesday and then on Thursday is Tanner's school Concert!!!!! I can not even convey the joy and excitement I feel for this. I am close to floating on air. My little boy, in his first school concert...ahhhhh....So much more to look forward to!

Keys ruin day

Yes, sad but true...

When I woke up this morning I was relatively happy. Then as I was getting ready to go VTing, I couldn't find my keys. This drives me totally insane and batty. I can not stand when I can't find my keys. This does not happen very often and I can usually find them within a few minutes. Today was a whole other case. So I was on edge all day. The reason I am a little paranoid right now was because I honestly believe that someone came into our house and stole our video camera when we had the door unlocked one time. I turned the house upside down...short of literally and could not find it. So I was upset that I couldn't find my keys because I wanted to lock up my house. Anyways, so all day I have been miserable because I couldn't find my keys. I know...a choice that I'm sure I regret and partly to blame on hormones...but nevertheless...grumpy.

Plus, while we were visiting teaching our one sister, Tanner was not nice to my friends little girl who have a very strong hate/love relationship. He was being such a brat. I won't be bringing him again. I try to get someone to watch him but sometimes it doesn't always work out.

When Matt came home, I politely and calmly informed him that I was on a very short fuse and when he asked why I told him. So he says to me "Are you sure you didn't leave them (the keys) in the car?" to which I reply "if I did, I couldn't look because you had the car today". So he happily went out and looked (I think it was to get away from me). They were in there! Thank goodness. Then I told him about the video camera and he said he would check in the car. So he went out a second time and of course it was there. I am so relieved. So needless to say, I am a bad person today for being so grumpy over something so trivial. Plus the fact that I can't call to ask Matt if he knows where they are was a little frustrating. So, I know tomorrow is a new day and I plan to make the best of it because it's Tanner's last swim class and we are going to Calgary!!!!!! I feel like it's Christmas or something. Tanner is so stinkin' giddy about it. Anyways, that's my day today. I am feeling much better now and think I'm going to make some chocolate milk and watch some Grey's.

Culture and English

There is a culture everywhere you go and it is more and more evident to me as I go to gatherings. People in small towns are rooted in their history and their culture...their way of life so to speak. People have a certain way of doing things and way of life that is different from other places. The people take more pride in things here and genuinely care. They include you like you were family. There are different unspoken expectations in a certain culture or town. I always think of the theme song from the t.v. show Cheers...you wanna go where everyone knows your name. Though I am very aware of the outsidedness that I come from, I still feel like I am included in the moving forward of a new chapter.

Recently I was talking to a lady who home schools her children. We were talking about reading and writing because I was asking her if she had ever used the hooked on phonics system for her children. She hadn't but explained to me that she has her own cards (I'm assuming they are home schooled approved) that she uses to teach her children phonetic sounds. English is a very tricky language...can I just say that. She told me that she doesn't worry if her children don't know how to correctly spell a word or read. She feels it's more important to teach them the sounds of things and if her children come to her and ask her if luv says love, she tells them it does.

As I think about this more and more as Tanner is learning to read, I wonder if my child would struggle through school or life being taught that way. Are sounds more important than learning to actually spell correctly and sound words out? Of course you have to know the sounds each letter makes to sound words out that you're reading, but if a child spelt the word love l-u-v, would you correct them or just let it be? I guess each child is unique and every parent has their own belief on what does or doesn't work. I, myself, am shocked that Tanner had any interest in letters at such a young age and is now reading short, easy 4-5 word sentences (words like, cat, hat, rat, bat, ran, can, and, pig, dog etc). I never push him because the system he is using is a kindergarten level and he's only going into pre-school. I let him go at his own pace. He's only read the first 2 books out of 13 books to read at the kindergarten level. I just wonder if I shouldn't worry about if he uses sounds more than correct reading to actually read. I hope that makes sense. Anyways, it's just something I have been thinking about. As I re-read this paragraph, I think: 'read' can be used in 2 different ways but spelt the same. I like to read or I have read that book. How is that phonetically correct??? See, the English language is complicated. Maybe I'll teach Tanner french and we'll just all learn to speak french...lol.

This weekend was beautiful! Really hot. And I think I got either heat stroke or heat exhaustion, because I didn't go to church because I had a massive headache and then when it was gone, we went to dinner and a friends house and my headache came back. We walked over there in hot sun so maybe even that little bit made me sick again. Today, Tanner and I stayed inside the air conditioned house and practiced his letters...forming them and using words that start with the letter. He has these sheets that have the letters on them and then I have shapes that form each letter. So for example, the 2 big curved 'c' shaped ones together make the letter 'o'. Or two 'c' shaped ones make the letter 's'. Or two big straight ones form the letter 'H' or one straight one and one small curved one form the letter 'h'...well sord of. Anyways, it's something that the occupational therapist wants us to work on with him. He thinks it's fun and I know he's doing something that he needs to do without being pushed to do it. So in the end, we both win.

I am totally crazy and have packed our bags for this weekend at my Mom's. I am so stoked...I can't even tell you. I have a few things I still need to do. I like to make sure our house is clean before we leave so that when we come home, I can enjoy coming home to a clean house. It helps me feel more relaxed and calm when I come home. So I still have a few loads of laundry and I am cleaning the bathroom on Wednesday. Plus, we have to remember to pick our raspberries and dig up some potatoes for a salad and then water the garden Wednesday night before we leave. I could do it Thursday morning but I want to be able to enjoy my morning and not worry about that. So there you have it.

That's all for now. Until tomorrow.

Stolen...This is me

I saw this on Christal's blog and loved it so I thought I would blog steal it and do it.


I am: a child of God, happy, free to make my own choices

I think: I could be a better person, about everything all the time...non stop

I know: that God lives, that my family and friends love me, that tomorrow is a new day to try to be better

I want: to be able to afford a house in my lifetime, to be a great mother, to be a better friend, to be more educated, to be a better wife

I have: everything in life that I have ever wanted, what's important to me

I wish: I was smarter, I paid more attention in school, some days were easier, some people would stop seeing me as the person I was in the past and see me for who I am now

I dislike: people who lie, when people let their dogs poop in my yard and don't clean it up...there's a reason I don't have a dog, contention

I miss: my Dad, my friends that I don't get to see as often as I'd like, the YSA dances

I fear: my family dying, the unknown, I won't be ready when the Savior comes again

I feel: full, happy, satisfied, loved, excited, tired, peaceful

I hear: crickets; if you put toothpaste on a mosquito bite, it will stop the itching

I smell: good, I hope; like subway

I crave: love and affection, water,

I usually: lie in bed in the morning with my eyes closed, pretending I'm asleep

I search: for good deals, for answers

I wonder: if I'll have more kids in this life or the next, if people actually like me,

I regret: nothing...the past is just that

I love: myself, my family, friends, the gospel, to laugh, a good book

I care: what other people think about me,

I always: roll my eyes, think

I worry: about how Tanner will be treated as he gets older

I am not: a liar, skinny,

I remember: childhood memories like they happened just yesterday, everything about Tanner's beginning in life

I believe: people can be good people if they choose to want to be good, life is all about choices

I dance: all the time especially in the car

I sing: in the car and in the church choir

I don’t always: stay in touch with the people I really want to as much as I'd like to

I argue: when I am passionate about an issue

I write: in a journal for Tanner

I win: games with Tanner but let him think that he's won if he's in a sensitive mood

I lose: my mind when teeny boppers come into subway and are loud and obnoxious and rude

I never: want to be in debt again, thought I'd be so lucky to have an amazing little guy for a son, thought I could ever love someone so much,

I listen: to both sides of a story if possible, to Matt and Tanner playing, to church music almost daily,

I don't understand: a lot about a lot of things, why people are mean, homosexuality, why people think the things they do, why some people get to have what they want when they want and then others have to go through so much to try to get the things they want

I can usually be found: at home, outside,

I am scared: of the future

Kindred Spirits

If you have ever seen the movie "Anne of Green Gables", you know what I'm talking about. If not, then you should watch it because it's a really great movie.

Anyways, when I was younger and watched that movie I always wished I had a friendship like Anne and Diana's. They were kindred spirits. My sister's all seemed to find their kindred spirits while we were younger but I hadn't. Although I have always had one or two best friends in my life, I have never felt like we were kindred spirits. Don't get me wrong, I love all my friends but there's a different kind of connection with someone that you consider a kindred spirit. There's something about having and being part of a kindred spirit kind of friendship that is hard to explain to someone who's never felt that way. I didn't really feel like I had a kindred spirit until just recently. Now, I'm not going to reveal who this person is because I don't feel it necessary to do so. I LOVE ALL MY FRIENDS unconditionally.

Sometimes you just find a friend that you connect with on a different level than you do with your other friends. A friend that fits into your life like a puzzle piece that you didn't know was missing. Someone that you feel a deeper connection to than someone that maybe you've known for a long time. It's hard to explain in words what makes a friend not just a friend but a kindred spirit. It's like my friend and I were made to be friends.

I have a handful of friends that I love and adore sooooo much. Friends that I try hard to stay in contact with because of distance. Friends that I love to be with and hang out with. Friends that love me. Friends that I really would willingly give up my life for in a split second no questions asked. Friends that mean everything to me. Friends that I could not imagine my life without. I value and love and treasure deeply all my friends and the friendships I have with those I call my friend.

But this friend is someone that happened to come into my life in the most natural, unprovoked way. I'm not even sure either one of us was seeking the other out to friendship.

I always sort of envied people that had that kind of relationship with each other. You know that kind where when you see them together, you just know they are meant to be friends. The kind of friendship that last forever. The kind of friendship that when you're with the person everything else that might be wrong in your life is okay. The kind of friendship that has an unspoken comfortableness. The kind where even if you're not talking and silent, you still feel connected in the heart and soul. She (this friend) is like a sister to me.

A friendship like Anne and Diana's or Lorelei and Suki from Gilmore girls or Meredith and Cristina from Grey's Anatomy, or Monica and Rachel from Friends, or Ruth and Naomi from the Bible. A true, honest, unfailing, spirit to spirit kind of friendship.

I am so glad that I found my kindred spirit and that we have the rest of our lives to be that way. I am at total peace and comfort when we are together. And that's the kind of friendship that you never let go of.

Memories

I'm such a follower...I saw this on a few people's blog's and thought I'd try it out for myself.

Here's how it works:

1. As a comment on my blog, leave one memory that you and I had together. It doesn't matter if you knew/know me a little or a lot, anything you remember!

2. Next, re-post these instructions on your blog and see how many people leave a memory about you. It's actually pretty funny to see the responses. If you leave a memory about me, I'll assume you're playing the game and I'll come to your blog and leave one about you (if you really don't want to play but still want to leave a comment, just leave a comment and then tell me that you would rather not play)

150 already????

So, in this moment right now, I'm feeling somewhat reflective myself so I thought I'd write something that everyone is use to....a thoughtful (and hopefully non-controversial) post.

Here's a thought: If you went to bed and woke up in the morning and a miracle had happened in that everything in your life was the way it could or should be, how would it look?

What would you be doing that would tell your family and friends that this miracle had occurred?

What would you be doing?

What would other's notice that was different?

How would you treat other people?

I've been deep in thought lately on many topics but this one is something I can't stop thinking about.
I think sometimes I think I'm grateful for things in my life, but when I really think about it, do I feel the gratitude burning within my heart? Am I really truly grateful for what I have right in front of me? I say thank you and say I'm grateful, but do my actions show those words?

I'm reading 3 books right now; The Book of Mormon, The miracle of forgiveness, and a parenting book that is sooooo fabulous that I highly recommend it to anyone and would be happy to lend it out. Anyways, in The miracle of forgiveness, Spencer W. Kimball talks about sins (obviously) and how someone who doesn't share their testimony is committing a sin. That really struck me because who knew that? I didn't. Weather it be small or great, it is our responsibility to others and the Lord to share our beliefs with others at every opportunity. Of course, I admit that I am a huge sinner in that department. But now that I know, I pray for the strength to share that testimony publicly and with others and have the courage to do that. I think that people are afraid to do it because of what other people might say or think. I think it's especially hard for people who have a fear of speaking or getting up in public but I know, without a doubt because it's happened to me, that when you share your testimony on a regular basis the Lord's spirit increases within you...if that makes sense. You're in better tune with the Spirit and your knowledge of Him increases so much more.

My sister and I were talking about the Spirit and she said that when you're not doing the things you're suppose to be doing and don't have the spirit with you, you don't remember the things of a spiritual nature as easily. Like your mind fogs up. I think that's so true because when I don't feel the spirit as easily, it's hard to remember even simple things like a scripture story. So I know that it is so important to live as worthily as we can and know how to.

Life is so short. We don't have time to be wasting. The time to do and be better is now. I get so afraid when things like what's been happening with the economy and the weather and freak fires, that the end is so much closer than what we want it to be. I think of the scriptures and how the wrath of the Lord was upon the people who didn't and or don't repent. It's so scary...but it's exciting at the same time. I know this is minor to what will really happen when the time gets even closer. Things will be so much more worse than this. We'll look back on this time and wish we could live back in this time. Now, I'm not trying to scare anyone, but I'm just expressing my feelings of worry and excitement about what's going on in our world today. I think people have times when they are much more aware of things like this. I mean, last month, I didn't think anything of the last days. But lately, it's been in my mind and thoughts a lot. Like I said, things like freak fires or hail storms, or flooding, or other crazy things make me think about it more. I think every day we should treat like a gift of preciousness. A day where we are given the chance and opportunity to be better and know Christ better and do better. I think sometimes we get into our routines and we just go through the motions of our life and don't really truly appreciate all that we are blessed with.

For me, a huge part of what motivates me in life is Tanner. Now that I have someone else that depends on me to teach him the gospel and build his testimony...failure is not an option for me. So I try really hard to do the things for him that will build him up. Of course there are other things too. I know that may sound like I put a lot of pressure on myself, but I honestly feel like it makes me the kind of mother that I am today and the kind of mother I want to be. It works for me and that's all that really matters.

So for my 150th post, there's another piece of me for now while I'm feeling a little bit myself.

Just a few more things...lol

I forgot to write a few more things so I know you've already heard 2 times today from me, but here's more.

I was noticing things that Tanner does that he gets from Matt or I. First, he always shrugs one shoulder when we ask him something. That's from me. Second, when he showers, he showers exactly like me. His hands are always in the same position when he gets in as mine are when I get in. Then when he turns around, his hands are the same as mine are when I turn around. When he eats he ALWAYS says: mmmmm, this is soooo good. I usually say that too. Anyways, I thought it was kind of endearing to share those.

Oh, Lynn, to answer your question about what we had when our treck daughter came over, we had Spaghetti. Matt and A.J even had an eating contest. It was HILARIOUS! I have pictures, but I won't post them. Tanner even got in on the action. I was already full when they decided to do that.

This weekend, Matt's mom came to visit. Just a little background...when Matt and I were dating and then got engaged, it was Matt's Dad that was furious. He thought that we were rushing into things. Matt had just come home off his mission 2 months before and he thought it was too fast and that Matt wasn't mature enough to support 2of us. His Mom has always been supportive and I've always really liked her but I never felt like I loved her in that way that my Mom did with her mother in law or that I adored her. I have now gotten there and I really do love her a lot and she is so wonderful. I never feel judged by her and I never feel like I have to be on my best behavior when she's around. If Matt and I are discussing something, I never feel like we should go somewhere else to discuss it like I do when my Mom is here. Don't get me wrong I love my Mom no matter what, but there are some things that I don't do when my Mom is here. Anywho...I just really enjoy my Mother in Law. I guess that maybe comes with some maturing and growing.

While Marilyn was here, she treated us...more so Tanner, to lunch at McDonalds and then bought Tanner his birthday gift (his birthday isn't until the end of the year). But she wanted to get it for him now because it's a basketball hoop and ball so she wanted him to enjoy it now that the weather is nice.

We also had a family ward picnic on Friday. It was so much fun! Tanner loved every minute of it and he even went canoeing. I thought that the turn out was pretty good and it seemed like everyone had lots of fun. I love ward stuff like that. I remember this one time in Calgary that there was an activity planned and only 3 or 4 families showed up to it because they all thought it was going to be cancelled because it was kind of windy and spitting out. Anyways, I thought it was the best activity because I got to know some of the other Sisters that I didn't really know that well. So really, I think it's sometimes about our attitude. Even though it does seem funner when there are lots of people. I love the activity of it all and I love watching and listening to what others are doing and talking about. When I'm not chasing after Tanner, I am an observer for the most part. I like to hear other people's stories and learn from their life.

Okay, so I think that's it for now...lol. Until next time...

Learning my lesson..always : )

Since I posted, I have actually felt a lot more peaceful. I am feeling better about life and I am learning some lessons. One lesson that has been the biggest theme of my whole stinkin' life is to keep my mouth shut. Recently some things happened at work and it's C.R.A.Z.Y.! to say the least. You know, I think wherever you work, you'll always find people who you don't get along with and things you don't agree on and rules that you don't understand and people that are...for lack of a better word...annoying! Or that communication lacks. But you just try to do the best that you can and that you know how to get the job done.
One thing that happened was that a couple of the girls intentionally did something that they knew would annoy, or upset, or whatever you may want to call it, the weekday opener. When they told me about it, I thought "whatever, at least it wasn't me". But then I realized that it was kind of mean what they did. And they totally didn't feel any re-morse about it or even feel the littlest bit bad. And today, I thought "you know, that was actually really mean". I don't know if it's just because of the small town we live in or if it's just at work, but it's like a gossip mill and I have started to just keep my mouth closed...for the most part anyways, and try and stay out of things and just make sure that I do my job and not let the other workers problems or frustrations get to me.
I'm trying, or at least hoping and going to make an effort, to turn over a new leaf and just not talk about other people. Not just at work but in my everyday life...unless it's of course mentioning something really great that someone did for me etc.
Maybe it was the opportunity to go to the Temple on Friday that helped me to have this desire. Maybe it's that I'm just actually feeling better about life for the time being. Maybe it's because I am consciously making the effort to choose to just be satisfied and sometimes happy about things. Or maybe it's because Matt's Mom is here and it's a nice distraction. Or maybe it because I am actually feeling really blessed about things right now.
I know I could be way worse off...and trust me there are moments, still, that I think we are in the worst situation ever, but at the end of the day when I lie next to Matt (or just get into bed beside him as he's already asleep), I am grateful that he is my husband and that we get to be parents to a precious little boy who we love so much. And that he is worthy to have the Priesthood. And I am grateful that I have really amazing family and friends who I know love me and I really truly and honestly don't know how I could ever go on without their support...in addition to Matt's and the Lords. And I'm grateful at the end of the day to be alive (although a couple of times this week I felt like it would be better if I had a heart attack and died or got in a car accident or a car hit me) but at the end of the day, I am actually grateful to be alive. And I'm glad that I'm imperfect and have sins because that just means that as I get stronger, I'll get better and better in the ways that are important. And I'm glad that I don't try to be perfect or even make it look like I have a perfect life. My life is perfect for ME and that's all that matters. Not saying that I think my life is perfect because it's not. But we're all flawed and I'm okay with that. Just like when I look at myself in the mirror, I know that I have baby fat (let's be honest, it's blubber) and I know I'll probably never get rid of it unless I have liposuction, but I don't care because it represents something that is so special to me. I know that kind of weird to say that blubber represents Tanner, but I'm pretty sure you know what I mean. Tanner is not blubber. I'll just say that right now. I know I'm not skinny...I really do need to loose some weight, but I'm working on it. My life, my body, my spirit...they are all works in progress and will be until the day that I die and that's why I'm glad I'm not perfect or try to appear perfect. Not that I think I or anyone should flaunt their flaws all over, but it's okay to be honest and say that you made a mistake. Or that you aren't perfect. How boring would life really be if we were all the same or even all very similar. We all have different ingredients to add to the pot...so to speak. And that variety just makes life a whole lot better.

5 for Friday

5 things I'm really working hard on right now

1. Patience. This is especially hard right now since Matt is out of a job

2. Feeling like I'm a good person and worth something

3. Praying more sincerely

4. Not worrying about life and knowing it all right now

5. Knowing when to keep my mouth shut and keeping it that way.

I'm having a hard time with just going with the flow of things right now. I feel maybe it's because my normal flow of things includes Matt working. As much as I love him, sometimes it's hard to have him home and not doing much other than focusing on getting work. I wish that I could see the bigger picture a little more clearly but I'm stuck in this moment in time. How can you move forward when you don't even know what tomorrow will bring? Anyways, I sometimes wish that someone could just tell us what to do. We are having a hard time discerning that right now. You know when you have a friend over and you say "what do you want to do? and they say "I don't know. Whatever. What do you want to do?" It's so frustrating when that happens. Just tell me what you want. That's how I feel with the Lord. I just feel like "just tell me what you want us to do". Anyways....moving on....

I think about all the stories in the scriptures and how when the people were righteous and doing what they were supposed to, they lived in peace for many years, but then when they started to rebel, they got in wars etc. I feel in a way that we are being...I can't think of the word....ummmm....put through a test, rebuked, called to repentance...I think you know what I'm talking about. We haven't really had a lot of really really difficult, faith promoting trials in our life. We had one when we were first married, then again when Tanner was born and then now. I know in my heart, without a doubt, the Lord is strengthening us in our faith and our trust. And I know that He doesn't make it easy. But I KNOW that it will be worth it. It just, we're in the eye of the storm, so to speak. Like we've been walking in the desert or over the plains and our journey has come to a hardship and we can't move forward until we overcome the hardship. Like the Pioneers. I know this all may sound crazy or weird but it makes sense to me. I'm not just complaining about going through a difficult time, I'm trying to make sense of it all and compare it to what I know other people have gone through. Some people are blessed with having a better sense of their life mapped out for them, but for us, we have to take it one trial at a time. And luckily, we haven't had to face too many really trying difficult, nearly impossible ones. I know this is just another thread in our tapestry of our life. It will add depth and color to our life in a way that we don't fully comprehend or appreciate yet. But we will come to that understanding and be better for it in the end.

I know we all go through "wo is me" moments in life and I'm going through one right now. Though I know we won't be in this rut forever, I'm trying hard to stay positive and focused on keeping things running somewhat smoothly in our home and in my life and the life of my family. We will never give up and we will endure to the end, always. Because when all is said and done, I want to know that I gave it my best effort and all my heart. To know that it really was worth all the frustrations and worry and tears etc etc. So, that's my peace on that.

Ready to move on

Do you ever feel like you don't have any clear direction on what you're suppose to be doing in life? I totally feel that way right now. And the hard part about this whole thing is that when I pray about it, I feel even more confused and that makes me even more frustrated and makes me feel like I want to pray less because I feel so frustrated. I know this weighs heavily on Matt and I feel like I can't do anything to lift that burden on him. I believe in Matt so much...it's just me that I don't. I don't know what to do for him. I feel like I don't know how to be supportive. And then it makes me feel like I don't know how to be a good person, a good mother, a good friend, a good anything. I have all these mixed feelings that are just sitting there and by writing this post I'm letting the feelings spill out a bit, but not totally, and I want to just dump them out completely. But sometimes it's hard because if I talk to certain people, I know and can hear the disappointment in their voice. Like somehow it's mine or Matt's fault that he doesn't have a job right now. I don't know what will happen at the end of this month because as of July 2nd if he doesn't have a job, we'll be in serious, serious financial trouble. We are going to have to apply for welfare this week because I heard it can be a lengthy process, so it's better to have that in the works than not at all. I know this is a test of our faith, but I don't think I have enough of it to get the things we need right now.

Anyways, I'm ready to move on but clearly the Lord has different plans that we can't figure out right now.

On a side note, we borrowed the movie No Reservations. It was pretty cute. There was one very mildly suggestive part where he kisses the woman on the neck, but other than that, it was very clean. There have been some blogs that have some negative movie reviews so thank you to those of you who wrote them. It's nice to know what movies are not worth seeing and which are. Maybe I'll add a side bar with movie reviews on it. That might be a good idea....hmmmm.....

We are very much enjoying the rain. A lot of people stay inside when it rains, but NOT US! We LOVE the rain and love to jump in the puddles and play in the mud. I never want to limit my child to only dry weather playing. It would be no fun and crazy to keep Tanner inside when it rains all the time. If he didn't like the rain, then of course I wouldn't force him out, but if he wants to I let him. I even encourage him to. He gets a bit buggy if he's inside all the time. Why not? It's only rain...water dries and mud comes out if you rinse right away. Anyways, that's my feelings on the rain. A log of people hate the rain, but we don't. Plus, it keeps us from having to remember to water our garden so that's always nice.


Until next time.

I need...

I need...

-a safe place to vent my frustrations right now

-my husband to find a job

-to be a full time stay at home mom

-I don't know what I need...

Totally random thoghts

I was thinking these things on the way home from Calgary. They don't all relate to something specific, that's why they are kind of random.

Financial security doesn't insure happiness

Do you ever feel like you're part of something but don't really fit into that something? This one is the theme of my life

Why does a x feel they have a right to meddle in x's position all the time?

Are people's lives really that boring that they have to talk about other people's lives all the time, rather than their own?

Why do some people have big mouths? (I have fallen into this one a couple of times)

Why did x go and blab about x's news when it wasn't x's place to do that?

I'm so over it. It just upsets me that they try to manipulate my time.

I'm really lucky to have a great husband that is so understanding and forgiving of my quirks. Well, luck isn't really the right word. Blessed is really the word I should be using.

I really dislike Calgary. Home is where I am currently.

Why do I think such random things all the time? What makes me a random person? I'm not really logical or don't have any pattern to my thinking. Does that make me crazy?

I wish this cough would go away. I can't afford to get sick.

I hope Tanner stays sleeping until we get home (he didn't)

I hope Matt is awake when we get home (he was)

I need to eat more healthy.

I need to work on my personal prayers more diligently and not use the fact that I said them with Tanner and Matt as an excuse not to say my own. Family prayer is better than no prayer at all though so if I honestly forgot, I would just try harder the next day.

I'm so blessed that I am protected when going up to Calgary, even though I really dislike the drive when I don't have another adult to talk to.

To my Mother

When we were up in Calgary 2 weeks ago, I left my camera at my friends place. So she took it to my brother in law that works close to where she lives. Well, then I forgot it at my Mom's this last weekend. Man! I can't even believe it. I have some really cute pictures and this weekend is Grad and so I won't be able to take pictures of all the cute girls I work with who are graduating. I am not very happy about it but what can you do?

We had really nice weather for the long weekend but now it's raining. I really like the rain, but it limits the things we can do. Okay not so much what we can do, but how long we can do it. Tanner nor I mind getting wet in the rain but we can only stay wet for so long. It's a good day to make a nice cup of Hot Chocolate and curl up and read a book or watch a movie. Or have a nice long bath...if you like that. I, for one, dislike baths very much. I prefer a shower to a bath any day.

I am working on making a lot of birthday and baby cards. It is really crazy, but I know 20 women that are pregnant at this very moment. 1 is about to give birth any day and the rest are all due in the next within the next 5-6 months. So needless to say, I need to get on top of the baby cards for sure. I haven't been as good this year about birthday's. I don't know why, but I don't think about them until it's the day before and then I feel bad because it's too late to send a card. Oh well. Maybe it's better late than never.

So that's about all I've been up to.

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I know my Mom NEVER reads my blog but I wanted to pay public tribute to a woman that I love so immensely and intently that words could never do the emotions I feel for her any justice whatsoever. But here's to hoping that one day, she'll come across this.

For my Mother.
I honor you who gave birth to me and cared for me. Who fed me and clothed me and bathed me. Who taught me to walk in the path of righteousness (even though I didn't always stay on that path).
Thank you for staying home with us when we were kids. For letting us rule the backyard and have fashion shows with the towel (they were old towels) and then wash them so we could have them the next time we played fashion show.
Thank you for building an amazing and beautiful Barbie house for us, where we spent many, many hours playing and imagining things. For letting us make clothes out of your scrap pieces of fabric for our Barbies and for not getting angry when we cut our Barbies hair, or cut your craft ribbon to use for whatever we saw fit to use it for.
For feeding us Kraft Dinner. For letting us lick the spoon of the Kraft Dinner you made that had the extra cheese on it. For your song outbursts. For letting us have Russell and Veronica come over every Sunday. For our trips to Utah. For putting together the funnest games ever for the long road trip.
Thank you for letting us eat the Crab Apples off the tree in the back yard. And for letting us soak the lawn under the trampoline with the sprinkler while jumping on it. For letting us know you didn't like when we jumped off the garage roof onto the trampoline, but for not yelling at us when we did. For letting us have sleepovers. For letting us sleep outside in the middle of winter with Dad.
For teaching us that family is what's important. For teaching us about faith and trusting the Lord.
Thank you for never saying bad or unkind things about us or about anyone else for that matter. For teaching us that gossiping is not okay.
For letting us sleep downstairs for a sleepover when Dad had Chemo. For telling us the truth and not letting us think that we would always have a Dad. For being a strength to us when Dad died. For letting us sleep in your room, in his bed after he died.
Thank you for never giving up on me when I was such a terrible and horrible teenager. Thank you for loving totally and purely unconditionally. Thank you for driving me to the orthodontist every month and always playing the same Marie Osmond tape in the van so we could sing to it together.
Thank you for being so in tune with the Spirit that you were able to raise 4 daughters all on your own for a really long time.
I know I've said this before, but I believe that the Lord knew you were such an extraordinary person that we didn't need 2 parents to raise us for our whole lives because He knew that you could and would have enough love for both you and Dad and that you would be able to do it. He entrusted you with us alone after being with Dad for only 14 years and all you have to do is look at all of us to know that you did a great job.
Thank you for believing in us and for never giving up. You are an amazing woman and I hope I can be more like you in many ways one day.

At a loss

Here's where we're at, for those of you wondering and actually praying for us because I know you care and love us.

First just a disclaimer, this post will have hints of bitterness as it is still very fresh and raw in emotion as I write this.

On Friday night at around 6pm, Brham (Matt's loser boss) calls him and tells him that he has a job opening in Calgary and that he wants Matt to take it. Matt then proceeds to tell him that he would not be moving back up to Calgary with his family but that he would consider commuting for the week. Then Matt gets told that Brham is pulling the second truck out of here because there isn't enough work for 2 guys down here. So basically that if Matt doesn't take the job in Calgary that he's going to have to let him go. Action Auger is a very shady company because the boss is a very shady person. So anyhow, Matt led me to believe that he was going to go up there and just work...because he didn't say otherwise and that was the original plan was for him to work this week and then look for a temporary job in Calgary. So I cry for 30 minutes feeling at such a loss and like our hands have been tied. How in the world could Matt find a job in 2 days with it being the weekend???? AGHHHH!!!! I deeply dislike this guy.
So I go off to work totally stressed out about it. I know...I've been stressed out more this month than I have in my whole life. BUT on the good side, it's just a constant stress and not like a huge stress all at once. When I was in grade 10, I had the beginning of ulcers because I was so stressed out. Like a huge brick just dropped on me. This has been building so it's not quite as intense. Anyways...
Matt and I, I'll admit this because we are not perfect, had a very heated discussion on the subject before I had left for work. It was after the call and before I cried and went to work that this conversation took place. So, when I woke up this morning, Matt was getting ready to leave and I asked where he was going because he told me the night before that he wasn't going to go into Lethbridge and apply anywhere because he had applied everywhere I could. Then when I asked straight out if he had applied at and fast food places or gas stations, he said he hadn't because he was going to use them as a last resort. When I asked if he thought that this was a last resort with the information we just got, he said he didn't think it was. So needless to say, I was really upset and just went and cried.
So this morning, he said that he was going into Lethbridge to apply at some fast food places and some other places. I was laying in bed and thankfully he didn't see my face because I rolled my eyes. Matt, I love him sooooo much, is one of those people that you could try to convince him of something realistic and completely sensible until you're blue in the face, but he'll always disagree until he has thought it over himself. It could take him a few months to actually come back to you and say "you know, I think that's a great idea and it really makes sense". He's a thinker and most of the time, that's great, but sometimes, it's NOT!
So we got into a discussion (a calm and rational one) about how we were out of options. Matt said we could just live on EI and I was like "no" etc etc. I keep telling him that unless he goes to school and gets a career, he's not going to be making tons of money...UNLESS he gets into trades which take him away for 12-18 hour days. So then he says something that I will never forget as long as I live. He told me the reason he keeps wanting to find something that will allow him to be at home with his family is because he wishes that his Mom and Dad were there for him when he was little and he wants to have that for us. I was totally shocked! Matt's Dad was an alcoholic and left his wife and kids. He's really come a long way since then, but Matt never really had a relationship with him until we was about 17 or 18.
So I told Matt that he was already a better father than his father had been to him. I told him that I knew that he would never leave us and that he isn't and never will be an alcoholic.
So, long story short....I know, too late, there's a guy in our ward that has a lawn mowing/landscaping business and told Matt that he'd give him his clients because he doesn't have the time to have the business anymore. So Matt is going to look into ride on lawn mowers and do that. He also had a very promising interview at McDonalds, which is a day shift (10 hours a day) but he could do that and then do lawn mowing when he came home. When he had his interview and East Side Marios, they really wanted to hire him there but he needs days because it would be very difficult for me to work days.
So I'm really really really hoping that this works out. It's a little bit of a risk but we don't feel like it's an unreasonable, dangerous risk.
There is no way that we would ever move back to Calgary. I would never put Tanner in the schools up there. I would home school him before I did that. I know the school system down here is much better and I've heard a lot of really good things about it. I know there's a lot of competition and not everyone is going to treat Tanner kindly, but at least I know he has a fighting chance here to have some sort of normalcy. And with the community being very highly populated with members, I know it will make things a bit easier. Clearly all Mormons are not perfect and some get into a lot of trouble, but my theory is; strength in numbers. We'll see how that works out.
So anyways, that's where we're at today. Thank you for all the comforting words and all the prayers. If worse comes to worse, we'll just have to live on welfare.

Until next time...

Spiritual thought and Mother's day

My friend sent this to me and I really liked it so I thought I'd post it here for everyone else to read:


Real Mothers don't eat quiche; they don't have time to make it.

Real Mothers know that their kitchen utensils are probably in the
sandbox.

Real Mothers often have sticky floors, filthy ovens and happy kids.

Real Mothers know that dried play dough doesn't come out of shag
carpets.

Real Mothers don't want to know what the vacuum just sucked up.

Real Mothers sometimes ask 'Why me?' and get their answer when a little
voice says, 'Because I love you best.'

Real Mothers know that a child' s growth is not measured by height or
years or grade... It is marked by the progression of Mommy to Mom to
Momma or Mother...

4 YEARS OF AGE - My Mommy can do anything!

8 YEARS OF AGE - My Mom knows a lot! A whole lot!

12 YEARS OF AGE - My Mother doesn't really know quite everything.

14 YEARS OF AGE - Naturally, Mother doesn't know that, either.

16 YEARS OF AGE - Mother? She's hopelessly old-fashioned.

18 YEARS OF AGE - That old woman? She's way out of date!

25 YEARS OF AGE - Well, she might know a little bit about it.

35 YEARS OF AGE - Before we decide, let's get Mom's opinion.

45 YEARS OF AGE - Wonder what Mom would have thought about it?

65 YEARS OF AGE - Wish I could talk it over with Mom.

The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that
she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman must
be seen from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the
place where love resides. The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole,
but true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring
that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows, and the beauty of a woman
with passing years only grows!


On a different note, as I was studying my scriptures this morning (after a wet, but not too wet, run) I read this verse (I'm only in 2 Nephi)

16 "And I, Nephi, did build a temple; and I did construct it after the manner of the temple of Solomon save it were not built of so many precious things; for they were not to be found upon the land wherefore, it could not be built like unto Solomon's temple. But the manner of the construction was like unto the temple of Solomon; and the workmanship thereof was exceedingly fine"

So here's my thoughts on this verse because I never thought of it like that before. So it didn't matter back then that the temple wasn't built with precious things but it was built none the less. So how can we apply this in our lives??? It doesn't matter what we have (or can afford) on the outside, what matters are our intentions and what's on the inside. Our testimonies, our faith etc. It doesn't matter if we can't afford the nicest things in life or even one nice thing, what really matters is being obedient and doing the best that we can.

Then a few verses before in verse 11 it says:

And the Lord was with us; and we did prosper exceedingly; for we did sow seed, and we did reap again in abundance. And we began to raise flocks, and herds, and animals of every kind.

It made me think about how we can grow if we sow and reap ourselves spiritually. What kind of person would I (or anyone) be if I was more diligent and faithful about sowing and reaping?? What more could my potential be if I was more kind, or gave more, or prayed more, or had more faith, or obeyed more willingly? What is my potential?

It was a really great study today and really made me think a lot.

We were unable to have FHE last night because I got called in early so we had our FHE tonight. The lesson was on keeping the commandments. We talked about how we have commandments to help keep us safe because we are all Heavenly Father's treasures and he wants us to be safe (through keeping the commandments) so we can return to live with Him. So we talked about that and then we went on a little treasure hunt. It was really fun. Matt is in charge this month of FHE so it was great. Tanner was so cute...we were talking about rules and I asked him if we had rules in our house and he said "yes" and when I asked him what they were, he said "no hitting, screaming and no pushing". It was great to know that he actually understands on some level what rules are. It makes me feel like we are on the right path.

It was a busy day today. I sorted and organized our back hall space. It was insanely overcrowded. Then I took down Tanner's bunk bed because he doesn't even sleep in it anymore. I'll post a picture later of what I did. It's hard to explain it. But it opens up his room and makes it less crowded.

So now I'm off to work in a bit. So until next time....

Should I???

I really should be getting to bed right now but I just finished reading my friends' blogs...and some blogs that I just "stalk" and I feel like I have stuff to say.

First off, thank you to everyone for the kind comments on my previous post. Sharon, you made me cry a little because that is the nicest thing you could have said/written.

I got to go to Relief Society this week (I get to go for the last 15 minutes while Matt sits with my class for closing exercises) and the lesson was on Motherhood. I so wish that I was there for the whole lesson. It was SOOOOO good. Motherhood is a subject that I could never get tired of talking about.

I am so thankful for the child that I was blessed with. I know that having a child with differences has made me grown in ways that I couldn't have otherwise. There are always moments where you roll your eyes or your child is misbehaving, but underneath it all, I never wish that I could have a different child. Or even a "normal" child. Tanner is such a blessing in so many unfathomable ways. The joy I have being his mother is like none other. Other than having a testimony of the gospel and of Jesus Christ, there is no greater joy to me than being HIS mother. Not just A mother, but a mother to Tanner.
I think sometimes, people don't know how to act or treat people with differences and I understand that. After coming out of the hospital from being there 12 days, I didn't know how to act around people that had "normal" babies because Tanner was all I knew and came to love. But in time, it wasn't so awkward for me. There will always be people that look and have questions or say mean things but then there are those like the kids at his school that I don't even know that know Tanner and say hi. Or those who go out of their way to help him and include him. Or those who share with him, or help him. And children of all ages. Today when we were leaving the school there was a girl that is in our ward who was playing at the park and she said hi to Tanner as we walked by. She's 2 years older than him and it kind of surprised me that she said hi. 2 weeks ago, this same girl asked to help Tanner specifically in sharing time with matching some stuff. It just amazes me at how kind and loving people are. It will help make my job a little easier when he gets older and kids get meaner. I will be able to say "look at all the people that do love you no matter what"

Life is made up of so many little moments. Like the moments that take your breath away because as your helping them put on their shoes and they just will say "Mommy, I love you", or moments that make you want to cry because they sing I am a child of God to his little monkey, or moments that surprise you when they ask you to tell them the consequence of a rule they broke, or when you get up in the morning and ask you if you need your glasses on to see. There are so many little moments that make up the joy of being a mother. The supposed big stuff isn't that big anymore. It's the little things that build up to it that make it so great. Like working on learning to cut wtih scissors for the last 6 months and he can finally do it. Or hearing his teachers say how well he is doing.

I love being a mom.

unbelievable

I was reading my friend, Christal's, blog this morning and what she posted...this is unfathomable to me. I can barely believe that this is true but it is. What is this world coming to????

On a different note, I found out this morning that a family that I grew up knowing, their son died a couple days ago. He was, I think about, 23 and married less than a year. I can't even imagine what this family is going through. I know that losing my Dad was very difficult, but to loose a sibling/son at such a young age...it's hard to grip my brain around it. My prayers go out to them at such a difficult time. He must have been a very valiant servant of the Lord to have the Lord call him home at such a young age. From what I know, he passed away in his sleep so at least it wasn't a painful thing. Well, I don't know that for sure, but I just assume that it wouldn't be. It is such an amazing blessing to be a member of the church and know without a doubt that we will see our loved ones again and that the Lord has a bigger plan for all of us. Though losing a loved one is a tremendous heartache, it is so wonderful to know that the Lord loves us and that maybe, perhaps, they are needed more on the other side.

Anyways, that's it for now. OH!!! I almost forgot my friday 5.

I will tell you my 5 favorite blogs that I stalk...in random order.

1. Bobbi-Jo...because she always has such great ideas.

2. Tiffany..because I love the way she is sarcastic and real

3. Christal...because she has lots of great things to say and I LOVE the music on her blog. I also love her pictures. Pictures are important to me, even though I don't post personal pictures, if I like the pictures on a blog, I'll check back more often. Weird...I know.

4. Jamie...because she is one of my best friends and I love her craftiness

5. Sharon...because I always feel when I read her blog, we are having a conversation. She writes how she talks. And she is very whitty.

I do check out all my other friends blogs every day, but for some reason, these are the ones I get most excited about. Maybe also because they post more regularly too. But not to make anyone feel bad. I do enjoy all my other friend blogs These are just 5 of the ones that are my favorite.

I hope everyone is having a great spring day!

Today is the day....

First off, this isn't suppose to be a gloom and doom post but today is the 17th anniversary of the death of my Dad. Some years I don't really think about it until after, but this year it was at the forefront of my mind more than in years past. I always think about how he's been gone for more than half my life and the things that I have learned from that experience. I think the biggest thing that I've learned is forgiveness. It took me a lot of years to grieve and it was very difficult for me. I did not, by any stretch of the imagination or word, give my Mom an easy time growing up and I was a very, very difficult teenager. Anyway, I won't talk too much about it. There are a lot of periods of time that I have repressed and just recently figured out. It is the weirdest thing to completely not remember something from your childhood and then all of a sudden, the memory comes back. Sometimes in pieces, sometimes all at once.

Today, we went to the school to pick some stuff up for Tanner. He's missed school all this week because he wasn't re-covering very well. Then we went to my Aunts for our weekly Hot Chocolate date. We haven't done that in a while. She was sick, and there was Christmas and Tanner's surgery. So it was nice to go and be able to spend time with her again.

Recently, there was an accident on the highway where a 19 year old girl killed a husband/father in a head on collision. It really got me thinking about how that girl is going to have to live with that weight on her shoulders. I can't even imagine being 19 and being at fault of killing someones husband and father. I feel terrible for the family that lost their husband and father. Maybe that's why I have been thinking about my Dad. I was 11 when he died but he had cancer. It wasn't like he left for work one day and didn't come back. It makes anyone really appreciate a lot more what they have. I just hope that everyone in that situation finds peace and comfort. I'm sure it wasn't an intentional thing and that's what makes it so sad...I think. Someone was just in a rush is my guess and wasn't paying attention. Anyways, enough said about that.

My next question is about marriage. How do you feel about girls that are 18/19 getting married? My Mom has an invitation to a wedding where the girl is still in high school. What are your thoughts on that? Would you, as mother's, allow your 18/19 year old daughter to get married? I personally feel that girls (boys too) need to have some sort of "out of high school, real life" experiences. I think having the experience of a YSA ward is important. Weather it's for 2 weeks or 10 years. There just seems to be a lot of really young girls getting married. For me, I think a good age is 20-25. I know age doesn't really have everything to do with getting married, but are 18 year old girls ready for marriage right out of high school? I know in some cultures, you have to be married really young, but are teenagers now a days more mature than we were who are currently married? I guess every situation is different but I know for me, I would not be encouraging my 18 year old daughter to be looking for marriage right away. I do know a couple of people who were married at 19 or 19 turning 20, and for them, they seemed mature and ready to get married. I think that having life experiences on your own, helps you to get ready to be married. Every girl dreams of getting married, but at such a young age? It feels like people are rushing into something that is a life time commitment. And not only to another person, but you are making promises to God that if you break, is a serious thing. Marriage can be such a delicate thing to navigate. Especially the first few years. I'll be the first to admit that I don't have a perfect marriage. No one does, and those who say they do are delusional. Nothing is perfect. You may have a great marriage, but nothing comes without opposition. I love being married and the challenges it gives me and for the growth I experience with Matt, but I know that at 18, I would not have been even near mature enough to commit myself to that. I also believe that my Mom would probably have strongly disapproved. She would have killed me if I even thought about getting engaged at 18. Not literally, but you know what I mean. Anyways, that's my question for today. These are just my thoughts and in no way am I saying that girls who are 18 should not get married, I just wonder if girls who are 18 really realize what they are committing to. I realize with some things in life, you never know what you're getting into but marriage is such a big thing and I wonder if these girls are really taking and thinking about it seriously. Or if they are so desperate to get married. Marriage is not anything like you see on T.V.. It's not even close. People think that getting married or having babies are going to solve or help their problems, but they only magnify them and make them more intense. I think young girls have this glorified perception of what marriage is and that's kind of scary. So I could go on and on, but I'll stop.

That's my "rant" for the day. Watch next week for when we go to Parented Pre-school and I'm sure I'll have things things to say...lol (because like you, Christal, I can't keep my mouth shut when it comes to that...lol)