Learning my lesson..always : )

Since I posted, I have actually felt a lot more peaceful. I am feeling better about life and I am learning some lessons. One lesson that has been the biggest theme of my whole stinkin' life is to keep my mouth shut. Recently some things happened at work and it's C.R.A.Z.Y.! to say the least. You know, I think wherever you work, you'll always find people who you don't get along with and things you don't agree on and rules that you don't understand and people that are...for lack of a better word...annoying! Or that communication lacks. But you just try to do the best that you can and that you know how to get the job done.
One thing that happened was that a couple of the girls intentionally did something that they knew would annoy, or upset, or whatever you may want to call it, the weekday opener. When they told me about it, I thought "whatever, at least it wasn't me". But then I realized that it was kind of mean what they did. And they totally didn't feel any re-morse about it or even feel the littlest bit bad. And today, I thought "you know, that was actually really mean". I don't know if it's just because of the small town we live in or if it's just at work, but it's like a gossip mill and I have started to just keep my mouth closed...for the most part anyways, and try and stay out of things and just make sure that I do my job and not let the other workers problems or frustrations get to me.
I'm trying, or at least hoping and going to make an effort, to turn over a new leaf and just not talk about other people. Not just at work but in my everyday life...unless it's of course mentioning something really great that someone did for me etc.
Maybe it was the opportunity to go to the Temple on Friday that helped me to have this desire. Maybe it's that I'm just actually feeling better about life for the time being. Maybe it's because I am consciously making the effort to choose to just be satisfied and sometimes happy about things. Or maybe it's because Matt's Mom is here and it's a nice distraction. Or maybe it because I am actually feeling really blessed about things right now.
I know I could be way worse off...and trust me there are moments, still, that I think we are in the worst situation ever, but at the end of the day when I lie next to Matt (or just get into bed beside him as he's already asleep), I am grateful that he is my husband and that we get to be parents to a precious little boy who we love so much. And that he is worthy to have the Priesthood. And I am grateful that I have really amazing family and friends who I know love me and I really truly and honestly don't know how I could ever go on without their support...in addition to Matt's and the Lords. And I'm grateful at the end of the day to be alive (although a couple of times this week I felt like it would be better if I had a heart attack and died or got in a car accident or a car hit me) but at the end of the day, I am actually grateful to be alive. And I'm glad that I'm imperfect and have sins because that just means that as I get stronger, I'll get better and better in the ways that are important. And I'm glad that I don't try to be perfect or even make it look like I have a perfect life. My life is perfect for ME and that's all that matters. Not saying that I think my life is perfect because it's not. But we're all flawed and I'm okay with that. Just like when I look at myself in the mirror, I know that I have baby fat (let's be honest, it's blubber) and I know I'll probably never get rid of it unless I have liposuction, but I don't care because it represents something that is so special to me. I know that kind of weird to say that blubber represents Tanner, but I'm pretty sure you know what I mean. Tanner is not blubber. I'll just say that right now. I know I'm not skinny...I really do need to loose some weight, but I'm working on it. My life, my body, my spirit...they are all works in progress and will be until the day that I die and that's why I'm glad I'm not perfect or try to appear perfect. Not that I think I or anyone should flaunt their flaws all over, but it's okay to be honest and say that you made a mistake. Or that you aren't perfect. How boring would life really be if we were all the same or even all very similar. We all have different ingredients to add to the pot...so to speak. And that variety just makes life a whole lot better.