Waiting

First, to my 3 winners on my blog, I am working on the prize but it might take a week or 2. But I promise it will be worth the wait. And NO, it's not cards. It's something better.

Next week Matt will be in Calgary for his job and I'm fine with that except for at night. I am so afraid to sleep without him in the house that I may not even sleep at all.

Here's a little unknown, recent thing that has been happening to me. I have been having these attacks. I didn't really know what they were at first but then when I was talking to my friend, Suzanne (because I had one the second night we were down in Great Falls), she said that it sounded like I was having anxiety attacks. Probably because I wasn't in my own home. It made total sense to me until 3 nights later, it happened again and the second time, it was really kind of scary. Why? Well because it happened at home while I was laying in bed and it really took a toll on my body because I was shaking for a good 20 minutes before it stopped. I haven't had one since, but I'm really nervous that it will happen while Matt is away. I can't go with Matt because I have work and Tanner has school. Plus I have some other commitments that I have to be here for. I remember when Matt worked at Budget rent a car, there were a couple of nights where he took cars to Red Deer after work at 7pm and didn't get home until 1 or 2am and I stayed up until he was home. I can never go to bed before him because then I don't sleep as well. So, I guess this will be a trial run to see if I can handle him working in Calgary if he gets a job up there. He'll be working but he's applying at other jobs while he's up there because we've run out of options and we're quickly running out of money. I'm working 6 nights a week to try and keep some sort of income coming in, but they are not giving him hardly any hours. With only having heard back from 4-5 of the 2-3 dozen places he's applied, we are quickly running out of choices. I have a little bit of faith that things will work out but I'm not really sure I understand why now?
Anyways, enough about that. That is the ongoing saga of my life at the moment *rolling my eyes*. I have 'word vomit' that I will write on a piece of paper when this is all done and then throw it out and I'll be done with it.

So I'm back with my 5 for Friday. This week, I'm going to post what I'm most looking forward to in the next 3 months.

1. Sitting with my feet in the pool, reading, while Tanner plays and splashes.

2. Tanner taking swim classes and Gymkidz

3. Bike riding

4. Matt getting a job

5. Canada Day Parade and activities. We went to the Parade last year but then we didn't do much else because Tanner had a bladder infection so we had to stay close to home. This year, I'm looking forward to maybe going to the stampede here in town.

OH!!! I almost forgot. The number one, most important thing I am looking forward to is Barbecuing! I can not even wait. We are going to have great ones this year. Maybe we might even have a big BBQ with our friends. We were a bit snobbish last year and didn't really have anyone over for one. Maybe because we didn't really know that many people last summer. Or maybe because we didn't have lawn furniture. We only have a couple of chairs, but I guess people could bring their own. So, we will be doing A LOT of that so if you're in this neck of the woods, come on by for some good barbecuing. Matt is a very good barbecuer.

Because I missed last week, I'm going to also write 5 things that I am really grateful for right now. Yes I'm actually grateful for thing...even though it sounds like I'm not. I really am. I'm just trying to keep things in better perspective.

1. For Matt being home. Yes, I realize this is a bit of an oxymoron, but I'm grateful for the time we've been able to spend together and grow closer.

2. For Tanner's accpmplishments in speech and other areas. This makes me enourmously happy.

3. For food storage. I'm glad that we have somewhat of a food storage supply. It's not anything big, but it's enough for us to get by if we need it and lately, we've needed it.

4. For Love. For the Love of my family, for the Love I feel from the Savior through the blessings he gives me each day to make each day a better day than the one before. For loving me enough to bless me with a knowledge that I will learn from this present experience. For loving me enough to keep me safe wherever I go. For loving me enough to open my eyes and mind to things I am studying in the scriptures, for filling me with knowledge...even if it is just a little bit at a time.

5. For my life. In a world where people seem to be dying so young, I am sooooo grateful for my life on this earth. I actually look forward to getting old because I know that each day that I live, will be a day to try to be better and gain more knowledge and make that day better than the day before. It's like when you are on a really great ride and you just want to stay on and the ride operator keeps giving you another turn on the ride even though maybe you yelled that you wanted to get off, at the end of the ride (or the day), you look forward to the riding the same ride and overcoming whatever fears you have of it. Or looking forward to the joys. Or going on it and seeing (or learning) something new.

Anyways, that's all for now.