I can't believe how fast this week has gone by. Canada Day was great!
Every year I kind of dread it because I wasn't raised here and it seems like everyone has their huge family reunions coinciding with Canada Day and I always wish that was us too. It makes me feel a bit like an outsider. This year especially so because my own family did not come down like they have in the past. We went to the parade and then we took Tanner up to Vulcan (to meet up with my Mom) for his 2nd week (4 days really) of adventures (in Calgary) with my Mom. So it didn't make it as lonely as I thought it might be.
On the way back home, Matt and I went to the movie "The Last Airbender". It was REALLY good.
This week has been a bit of a reflective week. I'm kind of exposing myself emotionally in this weeks 5.
5 things I have learned about myself this week:
1. I'm more of a people watcher/listener when I'm around new people, than a conversationalist. I like to observe more than be involved in talking.
I know my personality can come off as strong or obnoxious (as I'm sure many of my friends who knew me growing up can attest to), so I have to really feel people out and get a sense of what their personalities are before I feel "safe" or comfortable letting my true self come out. I've grown up being loud all my life and so sometimes that's hard for me to wrangle in and control. It can really turn people off and I realize that. I'm working on it. It's a life's work in progress.
2. I'm pretty immature. I've known that I'm a little immature at times but this week, I think I've acted totally immature. This is NO surprise to most of you, but I'm really seeing it in myself this week.
3. I'm not a good conversationalist. Again, this kind of goes back to #1 but I don't really know what to talk to people about.
In certain situations it's really hard because being an "outsider", people here know each other and talk about people they know and how do you get "in" on a conversation like that.
I guess any new potential relationship is like dating. You have to ask questions to get to know others.
Plus, I'm actually not very intellectual. I don't really pay attention to what's going on politically or financially so it can sometimes limit what I can converse about. To me, smart people can talk about EVERYTHING. Some days I feel like a character off of "Clueless", or that I'm just the "nice" girl who doesn't really know much. I don't think that I'm stupid or anything, I just wish I was smarter in a different way. Does that make any sense?
4. I'm going through a period of unsteadiness in my life. I go through these phases (as I imagine some people do) where I'm not sure of myself or who I am or what I want. I mean, deep down, my heart knows that I'm a daughter of God, but my head isn't telling me the same thing. I'm content. I'm not sad or angry or feeling negative, just feeling a change. I know change is good. Perhaps I'm being humbled by the Lord.
5. I'd like to trade my body in. It is NOT doing anything I want it to do this week.
I was tearing up while running on Tuesday because my shins hurt so bad they were burning. And on Sunday (yes, I know, I broke the Sabbath by running on Sunday) when I was running, my calf muscles tightened up so much that it hurt to run.
I hate having to keep asking my chiropractor to put on kinesiology tape or adjust me, but if I don't have the tape on, my legs konk out on me.
Plus, all month I haven't been able to sleep. My brain just does not ever shut up! I mean, why do I need to think about stuff for 24 hours a day? My brain seems to have a problem with continual running thoughts.
OH and here's something I learned...did you know that you have a nerve called the Ulnar nerve? I didn't until I was at the hospital because my whole left arm went numb and so I went to the hospital and they said it was my ulnar nerve, and a million things could have set it off to cause numbness. Weird!
I know this kind of sounds like I'm complaining, but really I'm not. I just want a good nights sleep, and my body to cooperate so I can run and function like a normal person. I really enjoyed running while I was on my treadmill, but my body hates me or something because it does NOT like me running outside.
So that is my week "exposed".
3 years ago
2 comments:
First off, I can tell you from my vast experience that intelligence does not correlate with social grace. Just because people are smart does not mean they can carry on a conversation. In fact in my daily experiences I feel it is the exact opposite. I think back to the greatest conversationalist I know, my Grandma. She is a farmers wife with no formal education beyond Grade 10. It is a skill and it takes time to develop, she has had 90 years to perfect this skill. What makes her the best conversationalist I know is that she listens closely to other people at first and then talks about them and their interests. It sounds corny but it works, it is a great way to start off with new people. I am certain you are way better at it than you perceive yourself to be.
Secondly, I am also a very loud person with a big personality. Unlike you I am not good at holding back when I meet people. That is something I need to work on. But part of me feels that it is okay to just be myself. As long as I am not actively trying to offend or hurt someone I can't really help it if they don't like me. In my experience I have found that big personalities usually have big hearts, love big and make very loyal friends.
Amen to Jody's thoughts. Nice self-reflection. We all need to do a little more self-reflecting and less criticizing others! :)
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