I am woman, hear me roar!

We had a pretty perfect day today. When I woke up today my plan was to get caught up with my reading (I seriously need to read about 8 more chapters) and started doing that when things changed a bit. We have a huge problem with loss of heat in our place. Being at least 28 years old with original everything, including windows, can cause a little difficulty sometimes. So my Mom bought us that shrink wrap you put on the windows to retain the heat. I decided since Matt didn't/wasn't working today (HOORAY HOORAY!!!!!), I'd get him to help me do that plus some other things around the house today. You can't even tell that the shrink wrap is on there it is so awesome! We took our time and made sure it was just right. It has already made a bit of difference. It doesn't help that our door doesn't hang properly and there is a 1/2 inch gap at the top that air comes through. I wanted to shrink wrap the door and just use the back door but Matt said he didn't think that it was a good idea. He might be surprised when he comes home this week if it gets colder and has to use the back door. I just want to be warm! I like the cold, but come on, seriously, cold air intentionally being blown into your house...no thank you!

Then I rearranged my room while cleaning the house from top to bottom. I love rearranging. It makes things fresh without money. I am avid about where I sleep in terms of what side of the bed and now that I rearranged the room, I have decided I am going against the grain. I ALWAYS sleep closest to the door. If we move the bed and my previous position on the bed makes me further away from the door, Matt and I switch sides. I don't know what it is. I think mentally I need to be closest to the door so it's easy access in case of an emergency and now more so closer to easy access to Tanner. We'll see how tonight goes. There aren't very many ways I can rearrange our room so hopefully I like this for a while.

We have been here for almost a year and it's amazing to realize that we have been gone for that long. It seems like we have been gone for less time. I'm sure it's different for my family. It probably seems like an eternity to them but for us, it doesn't. I know my family misses Tanner a lot. They probably don't miss me quite as much but that's fine by me. Once I had Tanner, I wasn't as important...ha ha ha (rolling my eyes).

We have always claimed that my Mom has favorites, which I know in my heart she doesn't, and when I had Tanner I went from #4 to #1 for a while and now I'm at #2. It's only because of Tanner. It has nothing to do with me or me doing something amazing for my Mom or giving her a million dollars. It's because I had the first grandchild/nephew. I know because I was such a problem teenager, I was #4 until I had Tanner. Well at least according to my sisters. I think it's totally silly to say that Mom has favorites. I don't know what it's like to love more than just one but hopefully one day I will. I do believe that you love all your differently. There's no way you can love your children all the same. It just doesn't seem realistic. I have been told from people with multiple children (that would actually be every person I know except me and my new friend "S") that they worried when they were pregnant with their second that they wouldn't be able to love the second one as much as the first. But then when they had the second one, they just did. I don't completely get it but I have the faith that it just happens. It's just like trying to explain how you feel about your first child to someone when they haven't experienced it. It's something you can't truly explain. There's not words adequate enough to express that.

I, personally, didn't bond instantly with Tanner when he was born. That's how they portray it in movies and I have had friends that had that experience, but not me. It was kind of...I don't really know how to explain it. It wasn't until I had gone to the NICU after everyone had left and I was holding him and talking to him and he looked up at me and smiled. Yes, he smiled. It wasn't even a grin but a smile. That's when I felt that bond instantly. It wasn't because of him smiling at me that we bonded but what I asked him just before and the response was the smile. It was a moment I will forever treasure. It makes me smile just to think of it : )
I guess as they say, the rest is history.

So back to my day...
After we put the shrink wrap on, and rearranged, and cleaned, I went back to catching up for about half an hour before Matt asked if I was going to make bread. I was planning on doing it on Monday but then I decided we needed it for tomorrow. Well, I discovered that I didn't have yeast. So we scratched that plan and made cookies. Chewy oatmeal. Plus we added some chocolate chips into them. Then as we were finishing baking the cookies, we made a yummy spaghetti dinner. We cooked up some mushrooms and fresh onions and added them to the sauce and it was sooooooo yummy! Then after we had supper, we played and sang on our mini karaoke machine that Matt's friend gave us. Tanner and I sang Primary songs for about an hour until I had gone through all the songs I knew. Which surprising enough were about half, if not a little more. Tanner enjoyed it and so did I. It makes me realize....okay not realize, but reinforces my knowledge about how important it is to teach Tanner correct principles and help him to do the best he can. And not only help him, but to be a good example myself. If I do or don't do something that I don't or do want Tanner to do or say, I should be modelling that behavior for him. If I don't want him to say shut up or other negative words (which we are very careful about saying. It's really takes a lot of effort not to say those words sometimes...like stupid or dumb) Matt and I have to be the example and watch what we say. I am very much more aware of those kinds of things in movies now, too. I am shocked at how many movies, even Disney, use words like that. I know it takes a lot of effort and I am not perfect at it, but I know we are so much better at it than even a year ago. It helps us to control our words and it has really opened our eyes at how much we use to say those words. Not that they are swear words, but we just feel like we should try to use better, more positive words in our home. Tanner will actually say "That's not a nice word" if he hears someone else say it or hears it on a movie. So I guess that's a good sign.

The other think that I have thought about is how much of a chore it use to be to read the scriptures. I didn't understand it and it was really hard to follow the story line. I guess that's not true about understanding it as a whole. I just didn't understand the story lines and that bugs me sometimes. I like to be able to read something and know what has happened before that and what got that person/prophet to a particular place and who was before them. I have this great study guide that has really helped my out a lot. Plus I write A LOT of notes and questions and quotations in the margins to get me thinking and to remember the story line. The last few days, I have actually felt like I was reading a novel because I was understanding what was going on. I understand the principles, well a lot of them, not every single one, that is talked about but I was frustrated at the story line. I am grateful that I am able to understand it better now. I already have decided that next year when I read it, I am going to mark it up. I'm going to color code all the verses with what they are talking about or teaching. I have this great book called "Color coding your scriptures" and it's so great! I started to do the color coding but then I got too into what was going on. So next year, that's what I'm going to do. I'm kind of excited.

Well, I think that's it for now. OH WAIT! There's a few of us that are having a Halloween party next week and I am soooo excited for that! There will be super good food and even better friends/company to be with. I love parties! Especially ones that you can bring your kids to. I do have to admit that it's nice to have an adult night out sometimes, or even a girls night. But I think kids parties are so much fun! I love watching kids' reaction to things and them getting excited over little things. Plus I love kids food. The little bite size portions and the fun finger food they always have. It's like being a kid again, yourself. I miss being a kid sometimes. Anyways, I do believe that's it for now. Until next time, fare thee well my friends!