A Job Posting

This was in our local paper last week and I know it's late, but it's funny nonetheless.

POSITION:Mum, Mommy, Mama, Mom, Ma

JOB DESCRIPTION:
Long term, team players needed, for challenging, permanent work in an often chaotic environment
Candidates must posses excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24-hour shifts on call

RESPONSIBILITIES:
The rest of your life
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $10
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly and possess the physical stamina of a pack mule
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects
Must have the ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks
Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst
Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT AND PROMOTION:
None
Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
Non required unfortunately.
On the job training offered on a continually exhausting basis

WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because college will help them become financially independent.
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more

BENEFITS:
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered, this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.