Life Changes

I have really hesitated sharing this for many reasons but have come to the realization that it's something that I should be excited for and am ready to share in a more public place. 
In August we found out we are expecting. It's our second. Our first turned 12 in November so it was totally unplanned and unexpected.
I struggled and had an extremely difficult time accepting it for a really long time. I had come to peace years ago with not having another one. I had a lot of mixed emotions and often wondered why me? why now? When I had my first blood work done, we found that I had a rare antibody in my blood that put the baby at really high risk. I am Rh negative but this antibody is, from what I've been told by a few people, is pretty rare to have when you have Rh- blood. So I was sent up to Calgary to the high risk clinic  to be monitored. In the meantime, while I was waiting for my first appointment, I had a bleed behind my placenta and was put on bed rest until my appointment at the high risk clinic. At the clinic, we found that everything was fine and I was allowed to go back to work.
I had been going up to the clinic in Calgary every 2 weeks to be monitored. After going up for about 3 visits, they recommended that Matt and I get Geno-typed. This is a fancy test that they send to Bristol, U.K. to check to see if the baby has negative or positive blood. They sent it away and when it came back, the results were inconclusive so we had to do it again. It came back that our baby, who we found out in the meantime is a girl, has negative blood.
What this means is that I can deliver naturally at the hospital and I don't have to be induced in Calgary and I don't have to go up to Calgary to be monitored anymore. Unfortunately, I kept spotting so I had to stop working at the beginning of December (I'm not due until April 2nd) because my job can't really be modified to just be light duty. So now I'm waiting to hear if my maternity application is accepted so I can start maternity leave.
Through this all, I have amazingly supportive family and close friends that have been there to help comfort me and encourage me and have given me the hope that I needed to know that everything is going to be alright. We didn't or haven't tried to keep this a secret but we didn't publicly announce it because it isn't really our thing to do that.
Plus because I've been in the place where I still had hope and it felt like everyone was announcing their pregnancies/births on facebook and I was having a hard day and it just felt unfair. I never want to be that person for someone else.
The third reason is because we had so many complications from the start and weren't even sure that we would carry to term we just kept it on the down low. Now that it's really close, I don't feel as nervous about it and I don't struggle with it like I did at the beginning.
Matt and Tanner are beyond excited and they have been so caring and loving from from the start. Tanner has helped picked out some of the items we have bought and he even said he wanted to give her one of his baby blankets and stuffed animals after she's born. He is such a caring boy and I know he's going to be a great big brother. 
I know, without a doubt, that she was meant to come and I feel like maybe the reason the time is now is because Tanner just had his last known surgery in 2014 and I have the time (especially emotionally) to have a baby.
The Lord has always blessed us and I know he will continue to bless us.

I can't find my journal

I wanted to jot down a few things but for the life of me I can not find my journal.

I am getting over a really bad case of insomnia. Insomnia sucks! I can't get more than 2-3 hours a night. I feel tired ALL the time. I am finally taking sleeping medication to help my body get into a routine.

I started a new job today. I am the custodian for the town. I am looking forward to the change. It's full time work in the morning to the afternoon so I will be home after school with Tanner. Right now, that's really important to me. For the last year, I have had a really hard time finding people to watch Tanner. He's at an awkward age where he's old enough to be on his own for an hour if I'm still in town but I'm not quite comfortable leaving him for 3-4 hours on his own yet. I have been feeling like I was ready for a change for a while. I was originally planning on going to school so I applied to go to a vocational college to become a Medical Office Assistant (it would be very similar to what I already did at the Chiropractic office). So I told my boss that I was going to school in the fall. He then hired someone that day that had asked him recently if he had any work and obviously at the time he didn't. When I went in to find out about tuition and student loans, I found out that the student loan I would be given covers ONLY the cost of the tuition (which was over $16,000). So we figured out that we would not be able to afford to live off what I make. All of Matt's money goes to our bills so we just couldn't do that. So we made a decision that I would clean houses full time. I set my date of leaving the office to the beginning of September so I still had the summer to work. A couple weeks ago, a friend mentioned that I should apply at the town so I did. The very next week an ad was placed for a full time custodian. I felt like I had nothing to loose because if I didn't get the job, I still had my house cleaning. So I went for the interview and a few days later, I got the job. I feel sad that I had to leave my house cleaning because I loved those people that I cleaned for but when we figured it out, I wouldn't actually be making that much more than what I already was making and with the full time job, I would be making more. We feel really good about the choice.

It's genuinely sad to leave people who have become like family to you. We had people live with us almost all the time growing up and we loved them and considered them a part of our family. I never really understood the opposite side until recently. How could someone who you didn't grow up with,  treat and become like your own flesh and blood? It can happen. I love the people that I have been blessed to clean for. It's been such a great blessing to know them and be a part of their lives.

Recent neighborhood events have caused me to ponder and reflect on myself. I have come to the realization that life is truly subjective. Relationships aren't always what they seem to be. What one person thinks/feels/perceives is right or wrong is not what the next thinks/feels/perceives. In the eternal perspective, as long as we are doing what we feel is right and good then it doesn't matter what other people think. And if we mess up along the way, we can repent, be humble and move on. I'm not a perfect person and I never pretend to be someone/something I'm not. I'm not the most mature person there ever was or ever will be but if I've hurt or upset or offended someone I am not ashamed or too proud to say I'm sorry.

I have so much to be grateful for. We have been blessed with so much. Tanner is happy and healthy. Matt is happy and is the best father to Tanner. He has always been nothing but supportive and encouraging of me and he really is such a wonderful husband.

Labor day was a day of labor for us. We washed windows at our house both inside and out. Matt also poured graved on our driveway so that there isn't such a gap between the bottom of the paved driveway and the gravel driveway that's the towns. Then we went to a dear friends for dinner and that was really nice.

I'm looking forward to routine and voice lessons and new friendships. 

Who Blogs?

Who has been blogging???? It seems like no one has been blogging....including me. Maybe blogging has become a thing of the past already (HA!)

Anyways, it's been a while and I had some things I wanted to blog about.

First: Abercrombie and Fitch- While I agree that it was wrong that the CEO made the comments he did about his reason they don't make large or extra large clothes for women, what does it say about us if we are being mean, unkind, resentful etc in actively boycotting the company and posting unkind things? If you don't like the company's ethics, don't shop there. Why do people feel the need to publicly refuse to shop at their stores? So we all know, that company is exclusionary. Great, let's move on.

Change. Change is hard. One situation can change a person, change a life, cause a ripple effect, good and/or bad, force a person to grow, look at life and others differently, make life changes. When life hands you lemons, make lemonade.

Running: running releases bad toxins and just makes me feel better. I somehow hurt me knee last week and couldn't run for a week which was really irritating because I had just started getting back into it with the weather getting warm. So what did I do instead? I decided to bike ride. I am hoping to do the triathlon again this year so why not start training now.

Family:good. Matt is working hard. He still loves his job. He is such a good support and help to me. Tanner is funny as usual. He has a little girlfriend that I've had to talk to him about. 9...what a ladies man *sigh* He will be having surgery sometime in July.

Life in General: great. growing, changing, learning....all that good stuff. I have recently become slightly addicted to Family History. I love looking for people and putting them on my family tree. It's such a blessing. I am learning a lot about my family and I feel so much love for my family. I wish I took the time to get to know my family better while I was younger.

House: Matt's Dad is coming this weekend to lay forms on our yard so that when we eventually can afford a sidewalk, the forms are already laid. It will also give us a more accurate number for  how much top soil and sod we need. No point in paying for sod that we're just going to rip/dig up anyways to put in a sidewalk.

So that's life in a nutshell lately. What's new with you?

Being a Mother

My friend said to me recently "You were meant to be Tanner's mother. You are just so positive".

I'm not sure that I or even others consider me positive but I try really hard to be. Some days I still feel like throwing a child/teenage like hissy fit but I usually don't...that would be embarrassing and awkward for all to witness. I feel like I've grown up a lot in the last 9 years. I still feel like I'm 20 but I hope that my attitudes and character don't reflect that.

My sister asked me the day after Tanner was born what it felt like to be a mother. How can a person describe that? How do you describe the tender feelings you feel as a mother? It's really like nothing I've ever experienced. The love a mother feels for her child is like trying to describe what salt tastes like to someone who has never experienced it.

My life is totally full of joy with Tanner. Along with that also comes tears and trials and frustrations but the joy always outweighs the other stuff.

I keep a picture of him when he was first born and hooked on a bunch of cord and such as a reminder of just how lucky we are to have him.

I have to admit that I have random intense moments of fear of losing him. Like last night I thought "what if he gets hit and killed today while walking across the highway going home with his friend"? I just randomly have these kinds of thoughts. I usually just hope that he pays attention in school and that he plays with some friends.

There is never a lack of activity at our house. Tanner always has friends over and I hope that he will continue to do this as he gets older. I love having his friends over. He has some really good friends and I'm so grateful for that.

I love each new stage he gets to. I'm so excited for him when he reaches certain points.

I am sad that he doesn't want me to read to him anymore. He'd rather read on his own. This puts a slight damper (for me) on his bed time routine.

I love that him and I eat leftover spaghetti at least 2-3 nights a week. We are really not fussy eaters.

I love that when we go to subway, he gets a ham sandwich with only olives (I make them put cucumbers on too) and honey mustard and then he pulls it apart and eats the cheese, meat olives and cucumbers. Rarely does he eat the bread.

I love that he know my Mom always has chocolate milk for him at her house and buys some for him when she's at ours.

I love that him and Matt are great friends and that they spend so much time together.

I love that he expects Matt and I to live by the rules that we have as a family. They are family rules...not Tanner rules.

I love that he calls me if I'm not at home when he gets home from school to tell me he's at home and find out where I am.

I love that he loves to read.

I love being his Mom!

What I didn't miss

I was talking to my sister Megan last week about a couple of the things I was thinking about that we kind of missed out on as little girls because my Dad was sick and my Mom was taking care of him (and us too...we just didn't do/have some of the little things that I see my friends' little girls get).

What we gained, though, is so much better and more important. There is no way we would ever let anything come between us, we are loyal to each other, we love each other like no one else, we learned to depend on each other when it mattered and be independent when we needed to be, we learned to get along...even if for some of us it took a little longer, and we always had someone to play with.

Although it can be really hard some days to not think about all the things I wish my Dad were here for, I am grateful for the lessons I have learned and the growth I have experienced over the last 22 years after losing my Dad.

My sisters are truly my best friends no matter what.

 

What it takes

I have been thinking a lot lately on a lot of things. Lately I have been pondering "What specific things makes a person my friend and not just someone I associate with or get along with"? This is a multi-faceted question. At what point do you consider someone your friend? Is there a moment you can pinpoint that made 2 people more than just 2 co-existing people?

I think for me, there are different things with different friends that made me consider/think/feel that we were more than just 2 people getting along.
I think everyone probably has their own definition of what a friend is to them.

For example, I enjoy hanging out and associating with many people...especially being in the church, there are many opportunities to interact with different people, but just because I get along with and even like an individual doesn't mean, for me, we are automatically friends. I think a person can be friendly without being friends with people.

For me, being a friend is about spending time together, getting to know each other and creating memories that will last forever.

But is it the same for everyone?

Are we all not "friends" in a sense? Different friends add different things to my life. Where one person adds to my life spiritually, the next might add to it mentally or emotionally or even socially.

For me, my best friends add pretty much all of these things to my life and that's why I consider them my best friends. I feel like I am able to be friends with many people and I am so thankful for that. I feel very grateful for the friends that I do have and the people that love me for me no matter what.

So I send the question to those reading my blog....What makes a person YOUR friend?  


*UPDATE* 
I have discovered that I have lived in a 'box' when it comes to friends. What I saw of my Mom and Dad's friendships, that's what I thought 'friends' were. I have come to the realization that my definition of a friend doesn't need to be so defined. It's like that line on the movie 'Never been Kissed' with Drew Barrymore, "we accept all people". I love that. Why shouldn't I be friends with whoever I want? Age shouldn't limit a person to who a person is friends with. I like all people. If we have a good time together, then let's be friends!

How many are left?

I have a confession...I'm bored with social media. I haven't blogged in so long and I don't really miss it. I feel like I've been through some growing pains and changes in my life and blogging isn't what it used to be for me. I can't really explain it. I have lots of good intentions to post fun things I've done or made but then I don't. I get busy doing regular, every day life stuff and blogging doesn't seem that important. Here's a rundown on what's been going on in the last few months:

-I did my first ever marathon. I was happy with how I did. I wasn't in it to get a good time, just to do it.

-We went to Matt's Mom's family reunion...met some new people that are really cool people.

-Tanner went on his summer adventure with my Mom and 2 of my sisters to Legoland, Sea World, San Diego Zoo and the Safari Park. They had a blast and Tanner still talks about it

-School started. Tanner's in grade 3 and really likes his teacher this year. She's one of the newer teachers and she seems to be really good.

-I've made a ton of stuff (food) from Pinterest. I love it!

-Thanksgiving was quiet.

-Matt's nephew, sadly, passed away last week

-I had an ear infection for 5 weeks and was mostly deaf in the infected ear. It was not fun. I had to stop running because I could hear my ear fluid swishing around in my ear and it threw me off balance a bit. It's fine now. I saw a specialist and it's been cleared up.

-Tanner got an expander appliance in his mouth. He was a trooper. We can already see a difference

-I entered the world of cell phones. It's really handy to have but I try to be careful not to be obsessed or connected to it all the time....because seriously, some people can't live without it. I can. I don't take it every single place I go.

-We went to the Calgary Temple. It is beautiful! I think it's my favorite temple.

-I have made some new friends...yay for that.

-I got hooked on Downton Abby. Do I really have to wait for season 3?????

-Finally read the book Pride and Prejudice. I loved it.


Anyways, I think that about wraps it up. We are happy and healthy and enjoying life.

a trip down memory lane

Here's a trip down memory lane for 'ya

This is us at our Grandma's house. Notice how we are all dressed in the same top? Awesomeness!

This is me

Here's my sisters and I all in order of birth. Amy, Me, and Megan....again, matching!

Look at my walkman...do you remember those?

Here's my Grandma in the picture from previous...oh and Melany is in there too.

Once Melany was born, she was our baby for playing house and we loved her to pieces. This was pretty typical of us, all trying to have our turn at pushing her in the swing

When my Mom and Dad finished the basement, my Uncle Peter did the bathroom and this is the hole in the floor for the plumbing. I was the only one brave dumb enough to climb into the hole. 

I LOVE this picture! Even though our eyes/faces are barely visible, I just love the memorey of this picture. We all had new easter dresses and were getting ready to head to church.

This is the Russell family farm. We spent MANY hours/days out there. This was our vacation home in a way. We loved it out there. 

I'm not really sure who's horse this is or where this picture is taken but I love that we were all together.

I think this is Megan...but it might be me. I laughed when I saw this because I have a picture of Tanner sleeping with a box of KD and when he stayed at my Aunt's house, he slept with a family picture that my Aunt had of us. 

My Mom made us this white dress for our baptism and we all wore it. My Mom still has it.

Setting up the Christmas tree.

We loved the snow and spent a lot of time outside building snowmen, snowforts, and sleeping out there in the winter.

This is proof that Amy and I actually got along and played. 

Mom at Cameron Falls.

Picking peas was a HUGE tradition and yearly love.

My Mom and Dad

We slept outside in the winter and my Dad always made sure we were warm. This is a morning after.

More of Amy and I

Here's another snowman

Amy and I sharing my blanket watching a show

Hanging out in the backyard. We spent hours and hours in the yard.

Birthday parties with crowns.

Jsut a random eating picture

My Gandpa and Grandma lived in Vernon B.C and we went out there one summer to visit. 

Amusement parks

I still do this look sometimes

If you look close, my Dad and I are making a very similar face...one of my regular faces I still make. 

 I put this on here to show you how beautiful our wal-paper was. I mean, I would love to put this up all over in our house right now....

I found this one and just wanted to share. Melany put these mattresses on the stairs at my Mom and him and Tanner slid down them. She's such a fun Aunt.

Pictures!

So I deleted some old pictures so I could post some newer ones...so get ready for an overload people!

Tanner recently watched the movie Wolverine and he decided he wanted to "play" wolverine in the car on the way home from Calgary so this is how he played. Have you heard the Popcicle Stick Wolverine story? That's a good one too if you haven't heard it.

I really love this man more than I can adequately express! And I really love taking pictures of us in the car...lame, but whatever!

 Here is what we did to celebrate 1 year in our house! How exciting. We really lived it up with our favorite thing to do...fire pit it up

 We went up to Calgary for a work bee at my Mom's. We try to do this every year and this year mowing the grass was Melany's job, but I couldn't wait so I did it...you can see why. Love 'ya Mel!

                                 I tried to steal a bite of Tanner super juicy, yummy pear but...

                                                      he wouldn't have anything of it.

                 Emerson finally showed up to the work bee (with Megan, Dean and......

                                                        this ADORABLE boy!

 Tanner's bed is finally completed! It was a lot of work to stain it, but SOOOO worth it. It turned out absolutely beautiful! This picture does NOT do it justice at all.

 What a nice looking family of monkeys. Tanner loves his stuffies.

 We went to a Cradduck family reunion and Tanner found some shade and played with his backugans.

                                                               My nephew

                                                      My Brother in law

                                                       One of my other nephews

                                    This little owl was quite interested in looking at Tanner.

    These are all owls in an aviary. It really took my breath away when I saw it. The birds are all right there.

                                         The Bald Eagle. He was HUGE! and gorgeous!

 They had a flight show. The eagle flew and took food out of the trainers hand. It was an amazing experience.

                              Anyone who wanted to, could help spray off the eagle after.

Tanner holding a barn owl. So cool! We had a 'hoot' at the Birds of Prey Center today!



We've been hitting up the pool almost daily and I've been training for the Raymond Triathlon next month. I am taking a serious beating right now. I run pretty religiously, but to add a 7-10km bike ride plus swimming...this better be worth it...haa haa. I'm just doing it for fun. It's something to work towards and I'm actually really loving the swimming part of my training. Too bad we have a seasonal pool only.

We are having our family pictures next week, which I'm so excited about. It's been 2 years so this will be nice.

 This is 2012's Cardston Kids Marathon picture. It was spitting rain and we ran almost the entire last mile. Then we headed home so we could drive to Salt Lake with my Mom. Oh look! There's Susanne and Shelby in the background.

 My Mom had to take pictures all along the way and this was our first stop. Tanner and I went swimming and had races. It was really fun.

 We got to Salt Lake and we went to this mall that had this train and Tanner and I rode it. It was a really good train ride and Tanner waved at people like he was the king of that train. It doesn't take too much imagination to imagine that scene.

 The Salt Lake City Temple. Oh how I love this place! There were at least a dozen brides around the grounds having their pictures done. We could have spent a whole day there watching groups of weddings.

 We wandered around Temple Square while killing time before we met my Aunt for lunch. It has a mild repetitive theme from when we were there 2 years ago...Water!

              The grounds were so beautiful! Don't you just love that Tanner has his Canada shirt on?

                                                                   See? Water!

                                                           The Tabernacle was lovely.

 We hung out in the evening just watching t.v. trying to stay cool. These were fancy pants chairs. They massage and heat up (if you're cold blooded like Tanner). They were divine! I even slept part of the first night in one.

 Tanner loves to read in the car and he read a great deal while travelling to Salt Lake. Thanks to my Mom for getting him 3 Captain Underpants books.

 The Harlan Taylor run. I came in at 36:35. I was 95th out of 132 people for the 5k. Numbers don't really matter to me. I just like to run. I have a really funny story about this run but I can't share it on my blog so if you want to know, call me or ask me the next time you see me.

 Tanner did SOOO good! He did the 2k and came in at 14:54 and was 34th out of 79 runners. Sadly, no one was waiting for him at the finish line so he had to wait until Matt and the rest of our family showed up 5 minutes after he finished. So sad : (

                                                                       3 cute boys

                                                I just love this picture!

                                                               Best cousins!

 These 2 are going to get into a lot of trouble when they're older....just look at those faces. Oh yeah, Tanner got glasses. Doesn't he look so cute? So smart and studious.

 My Mom was invited to be on the Seniors float for the July 1st parade in Raymond. This caused much confusion to those who were visiting Raymond that knew her (like several of my cousins and a few of my Mom's friends) because they thought she had moved to Raymond. Nope! She's just so awesome that she was invited on the float. It's been a dream of hers for a long time and my Aunty Elaine (one of my Mom's dearest friends) invited her on after talking to the lady in charge of the float. I just love my Mom!

 We drove to Waterton but it was raining so we just walked around and window shopped. We did come across these deer while driving up the road to Cameron Lake. It's just so beautiful there. Tanner really wants to do Red Rock Canyon and I am planning on doing the triple mountain hike. I forget the name of it but you hike 3 of the mountains and you get to put your name in a book to say that you hiked these mountains. It's supposed to be kind of a big deal.

 When we went up to Calgary for the day a couple weeks ago, the boys had a water gun fight. Just a little side story, my Mom has had this yellow sprinkler since we were kids...(even before my Dad died in '91) and it is a bit of a treasure. We used it all the time when we had our fashion shows in the backyard or when we jumped on the trampoline with the sprinkler underneath...this was the sprinkler we used. Such good memories. We are all a little surprised it has lasted this long but it's super sturdy and doesn't have any cracks in it or anything.

                                                          It got pretty intense

 They attacked Matt BIG time!

 He had to use the BBQ cover to protect himself. I mean, how fair is it that 2 little boys with water guns attack their Dad/Uncle who has no water gun???? lol

 And this cute little guy enjoyed the sun and fun games going on

Megan finally had to get in on the action too. Everyone had fun!


So that's what's been going on in our neck of the woods.