Being a Mother

My friend said to me recently "You were meant to be Tanner's mother. You are just so positive".

I'm not sure that I or even others consider me positive but I try really hard to be. Some days I still feel like throwing a child/teenage like hissy fit but I usually don't...that would be embarrassing and awkward for all to witness. I feel like I've grown up a lot in the last 9 years. I still feel like I'm 20 but I hope that my attitudes and character don't reflect that.

My sister asked me the day after Tanner was born what it felt like to be a mother. How can a person describe that? How do you describe the tender feelings you feel as a mother? It's really like nothing I've ever experienced. The love a mother feels for her child is like trying to describe what salt tastes like to someone who has never experienced it.

My life is totally full of joy with Tanner. Along with that also comes tears and trials and frustrations but the joy always outweighs the other stuff.

I keep a picture of him when he was first born and hooked on a bunch of cord and such as a reminder of just how lucky we are to have him.

I have to admit that I have random intense moments of fear of losing him. Like last night I thought "what if he gets hit and killed today while walking across the highway going home with his friend"? I just randomly have these kinds of thoughts. I usually just hope that he pays attention in school and that he plays with some friends.

There is never a lack of activity at our house. Tanner always has friends over and I hope that he will continue to do this as he gets older. I love having his friends over. He has some really good friends and I'm so grateful for that.

I love each new stage he gets to. I'm so excited for him when he reaches certain points.

I am sad that he doesn't want me to read to him anymore. He'd rather read on his own. This puts a slight damper (for me) on his bed time routine.

I love that him and I eat leftover spaghetti at least 2-3 nights a week. We are really not fussy eaters.

I love that when we go to subway, he gets a ham sandwich with only olives (I make them put cucumbers on too) and honey mustard and then he pulls it apart and eats the cheese, meat olives and cucumbers. Rarely does he eat the bread.

I love that he know my Mom always has chocolate milk for him at her house and buys some for him when she's at ours.

I love that him and Matt are great friends and that they spend so much time together.

I love that he expects Matt and I to live by the rules that we have as a family. They are family rules...not Tanner rules.

I love that he calls me if I'm not at home when he gets home from school to tell me he's at home and find out where I am.

I love that he loves to read.

I love being his Mom!