I can't find my journal

I wanted to jot down a few things but for the life of me I can not find my journal.

I am getting over a really bad case of insomnia. Insomnia sucks! I can't get more than 2-3 hours a night. I feel tired ALL the time. I am finally taking sleeping medication to help my body get into a routine.

I started a new job today. I am the custodian for the town. I am looking forward to the change. It's full time work in the morning to the afternoon so I will be home after school with Tanner. Right now, that's really important to me. For the last year, I have had a really hard time finding people to watch Tanner. He's at an awkward age where he's old enough to be on his own for an hour if I'm still in town but I'm not quite comfortable leaving him for 3-4 hours on his own yet. I have been feeling like I was ready for a change for a while. I was originally planning on going to school so I applied to go to a vocational college to become a Medical Office Assistant (it would be very similar to what I already did at the Chiropractic office). So I told my boss that I was going to school in the fall. He then hired someone that day that had asked him recently if he had any work and obviously at the time he didn't. When I went in to find out about tuition and student loans, I found out that the student loan I would be given covers ONLY the cost of the tuition (which was over $16,000). So we figured out that we would not be able to afford to live off what I make. All of Matt's money goes to our bills so we just couldn't do that. So we made a decision that I would clean houses full time. I set my date of leaving the office to the beginning of September so I still had the summer to work. A couple weeks ago, a friend mentioned that I should apply at the town so I did. The very next week an ad was placed for a full time custodian. I felt like I had nothing to loose because if I didn't get the job, I still had my house cleaning. So I went for the interview and a few days later, I got the job. I feel sad that I had to leave my house cleaning because I loved those people that I cleaned for but when we figured it out, I wouldn't actually be making that much more than what I already was making and with the full time job, I would be making more. We feel really good about the choice.

It's genuinely sad to leave people who have become like family to you. We had people live with us almost all the time growing up and we loved them and considered them a part of our family. I never really understood the opposite side until recently. How could someone who you didn't grow up with,  treat and become like your own flesh and blood? It can happen. I love the people that I have been blessed to clean for. It's been such a great blessing to know them and be a part of their lives.

Recent neighborhood events have caused me to ponder and reflect on myself. I have come to the realization that life is truly subjective. Relationships aren't always what they seem to be. What one person thinks/feels/perceives is right or wrong is not what the next thinks/feels/perceives. In the eternal perspective, as long as we are doing what we feel is right and good then it doesn't matter what other people think. And if we mess up along the way, we can repent, be humble and move on. I'm not a perfect person and I never pretend to be someone/something I'm not. I'm not the most mature person there ever was or ever will be but if I've hurt or upset or offended someone I am not ashamed or too proud to say I'm sorry.

I have so much to be grateful for. We have been blessed with so much. Tanner is happy and healthy. Matt is happy and is the best father to Tanner. He has always been nothing but supportive and encouraging of me and he really is such a wonderful husband.

Labor day was a day of labor for us. We washed windows at our house both inside and out. Matt also poured graved on our driveway so that there isn't such a gap between the bottom of the paved driveway and the gravel driveway that's the towns. Then we went to a dear friends for dinner and that was really nice.

I'm looking forward to routine and voice lessons and new friendships.