Be thou learned

Today I have realized that I am in a very hard learning curve in my life. It is not easy at all and I feel and know that I am being tested and humbled greatly right now and it is so very hard at this moment in my life. The lessons that I am learning right now are as follows:

1. To be patient. Especially when it comes to being patient with the Lord. I am having a super hard time with that right now

2. That I need to let go. I need to let go of feeling like I'm burdening people if I ask them for service, especially when they offer that service...like babysitting Tanner when I need to go to work. This has been an especially hard thing for me these last 2 weeks since I've had to be working 4-5 nights a week and Matt isn't always home when I need him to be. I just always worry that I am infringing on other peoples lives when I have to leave him somewhere for an hour...or the one night I had to leave him for my whole 4.5 hour shift until closing at 12. Thank goodness for a wonderful, understanding, caring friend who saved my life at that moment. I need to stop feeling so guilty.

3. I'm learning that feeling heartache for something that is a blessing to someone else, still doesn't get me the thing that I wish I had so badly.

4. What I thought once would be a sensitive subject, isn't. I realize that I was worried about Tanner being accepted into a normal life by other people but he really is. People genuinely think that he is a cute boy. I use to think people just said that so they didn't hurt my feelings but I realize that people truly mean it when they say that he is cute or adorable.

5. Whoever said being a mother is equal to having 2 full time jobs was wrong! Being a mother is easier right now that having to work part time. It is EXHAUSTING! Fun, but very tiring. I guess I was blessed to have such a great, independant child. Don't get the wrong idea, I do stuff with him and play with him and take him places but if I need to have a quick 30 minute nap, he plays on his own for that little bit of time. Quite often when we are watching a movie, I'll fall asleep for half of it and then my body always seems to know when it's the end because I always wake up at the end. Weird. I know, I'm such a slacker...napping. I guess that's a blessing that comes with having an only child.

Those are the things that are at the forefront of my life right now. It's a lot for me. Plus there is always things that happen within a family, plus it's the holidays. So that's about it for me right now. I'm just ho humming along right now.

Well, I should go to bed now.