random musings

Tonight Matt and I are going on a date with my best friend and her husband. We are going to see the movie about wolverine. I am not a huge x-man/wolverine fan. In fact, they kind of bore me but I really need to go on a date with Matt and I love spending time with my best friend so I am going to go. Who knows, maybe I'll enjoy the movie...lol. It does have Hugh Jackman and he's pleasant on the eyes. I'm excited to go. Matt and I haven't been to a movie since...well let's just say I can't remember the last time we've gone together with each other. I think maybe it was Christmas...I can't remember. Matt got 7 movie passes for his birthday and he's sharing one with me so we can go out together. I sure do love him. I have to admit that I'm a tad bit selfish when it comes to gifts. If I got a movie pass, I would have a hard (although it wouldn't be impossible) time sharing it with Matt. It would be worth the sacrifice though.

Last night I learned to crochet and today, I have a migraine. It's very muscle intensive to do that. I get all tense and then the next day, I pay. I have to learn to relax a bit more. I am making a blanket. A baby blanket...no not for me. I don't know who, but it's blue. So clearly for a boy.

I have some quotes out of the book that I just finished reading that I thought were good and I would like to share.

Bruce C. Hafen: When troubles come, the parties of a contractual marriage seek happiness by walking away. They marry to obtain benefits and will stay only as long as they are receiving what they bargained for. But when troubles come to a covenant marriage, the husband and wife work them through. They marry to give and to grow, bound by covenants to each other, to the community, and to God. Contract companions give 50 percent; covenant companions give 100 percent. Marriage is by nature a covenant, not just a private contract one may cancel at will. Jesus taught about contractual attitudes when he described the "hireling," who preforms his conditional promise of care only when he receives something in return. When the hireling "seeth the wolf coming," he "leaveth the sheep, and fleeth...because he...careth not for the sheep." By contrast, the Savior said, "I am the good shepherd,...and I lay down my life for the sheep" (John 10:12-15). Many people today marry as hirelings. And when the wolf comes, they flee. This idea is wrong. It curses the earth, turning parents' hearts away from their children and from each other (D&C 2)

Bruce R. McConkie: From the moment of birth into mortality to the time we are married in the temple, everything we have in the whole gospel system is to prepare and qualify us to enter that holy order of matrimony which makes us husband and wife in this life and in the world to come.
Then from the moment we are sealed together by the power and authority of the holy priesthood-the power to bind on earth and have it sealed eternally in the heavens-from that moment everything connected with revealed religion is designed to help us keep the terms and conditions of our marriage covenant, so that this covenant will have efficacy, virtue and force in the life to come. Thus celestial marriage is the crowning ordinance of the gospel, the crowning ordinance of the house of the Lord. Thus the family unit is the most important organization in time or in eternity

Those quotes just really stuck out to me. In a world where the family is being torn down all around us, I just feel so strongly about keeping our families from being destroyed by the adversary. We have to have strong foundations in our marriages to have a strong family so I felt the 2 quotes were kind of connected in a way.

On another note, my Mom bought us a clothes line. One of those umbrella ones. I'm so excited to have it. I only have one line across my backyard so I'm limited in the amount of clothes I can put on it. With air drying all our clothes (except towels and underclothing) we have quite a bit of clothes. I usually have 3 loads of clothes to do in addition to the towels/sheets and underclothes. It will be great to have more line to dry clothes. I love doing laundry. I love seeing the clothes blowing in the breeze. I'm kind of a nerd...I know. It is just so satisfying to me to do laundry. I love sorting the clothes and organizing them in the washer so I can fit them all in so one side isn't heavier than the other. I've never dreaded doing laundry. I'm weird, it's okay. I dread other things like cleaning my room, or sweeping. I don't like sweeping. I like mopping, but not sweeping.

We are going to Calgary for the May long weekend and I'm excited. It's the first time since Christmas that Matt will be able to come with us. He is now working at the county of Warner and so he has Fridays off so we'll enjoy a bit of a longer holiday. Seeing as we don't go many places together, it will be a nice treat for us to be together as a family. He won't get 2 weeks vacation since this is just a seasonal job so any extra long weekend together will be awesome. He's been off this week and in the past I would normally dread when he's home for long periods of time, but I've actually quite enjoyed it this time. I usually dread it because it kind of wrecks mine and Tanner's routine. But this time, he has been really helpful and even trimmed the lawn and he's getting Tanner new bike tires today. So it's been great. I guess I feel like I'm in a different place in my life and I am not as easily annoyed at change or difference. I think that's what makes it different this time. I'm trying to just go with the flow and not be uptight about things that really don't matter. I am trying to look at the eternal perspective and choose weather what is going on is worth getting upset or annoyed at. It's change, but I feel good about it.

Well, I think that's it for now. I hope everyone is having a great day and enjoying the weather (it's pretty nice here).

I can't stop!

I can not stop reading. I LOVE LOVE LOVE reading. I have read 8 books in the last 4 months and I am itching to start reading another but I'm trying to not read more than 2 books a month. PLUS I am reading the Book of Mormon, Old Testament, and D&C in addition to these other books. How do I have time for normal every day stuff like picking up Tanner, making supper, doing laundry, cleaning???? I don't know, but I do. Maybe because I'm up at 6am every morning to do the paper route and I read when I come home before Tanner wakes up. Maybe I'm more efficient at keeping my house tidy and I don't even notice that I'm doing it. It's amazing to me that I can read that fast. I just finished this really great book that I would highly recommend to any woman. It's called "behind every good man" It's by John Bytheway. He is such a good author. I was lucky enough to hear him once at a fireside. He is so funny and puts things into a perspective that is easy to relate to.

Tanner started soccer last week and he loves it. He slept with the soccer jersey on that night and wore it the next day as well. What a funny boy. I just love him.

The other night we had Doritos and he asked if he could have some "Dorts" and I was like "huh?". So he pointed to the bag I had and said, "you know, Dorts." I then pointed to the word Doritos and told him that's what they were called. he still called them Dorts. He's so funny.

I went for lunch with my Aunt today. Going for lunch makes me feel rich for some reason. I always think that only rich people eat out for lunch. So it's nice. It makes me feel special.

Anyways, I think that's it for now. We are looking forward to the summer...as I'm sure most of you are.

Lies for good

This month has been an amazing month! I turned 30 just a little over a week ago and boy this year was a gooder. I told my family back in the fall that I wanted a surprise party because I had never had one before. My Mom said it would be up to Matt to plan that and when she said that I thought "well, I guess I'll never have a party then". Matt's not the best at keeping things like that from me. At least I thought he wasn't. Turns out, he was very secretive and was colluding with my best friend to throw me a huge surprise 30th birthday party. Man, I was totally surprised.

I was told that the Bishop wanted to meet with Matt and I and I was really worried because I really love my calling. Anyways, we got to the church and the Bishop asked us to help him count chairs so they could take them over to the stake center to set up for general conference the next day. When he opened the door, there was all my dear friends (minus a few) to surprise me. It was amazing. Of course I cried because first, I was in such shock/terror that when we entered this dark gym, there was everyone yelling surprise. It's a good thing I don't have a heart condition. Then to realize that my best friend and Matt planned this for me was indescribable. I can't believe that they would do that for me. I felt and still feel so undeserving. The family that I use to Nanny for had driven down to be there and that was a huge honor and surprise. We also had a pinata which was really fun.

Then as if that wasn't enough, my Mom and Aunt came down on Thursday night (the 9th) and when we went the next day for lunch, my sisters (minus Melany) had all come down to surprise me because they had planned their surprise before Matt and Susanne had and couldn't make it down for the first party. Then we had Easter after lunch back at home. And this weekend, my MIL is coming for Matt's birthday and next week, my Aunt is taking my to lunch. So it has been, to say the least, a wonderful birthday.

I feel so grateful for the friends I have made in the last 2 years in Raymond and for the friendships that I have kept with old friends. I just can't express how lucky I feel and what joy I feel for the friendships that I have and am continuing to make. This was truly a birthday I will never forget.

Tanner has learned to ride a 2 wheeler with training wheels. I don't think it will be long before he rides the bike without the training wheels. He is cuter than ever and is a bit more sassy now than he was a few months ago. He gets more of the "Tanner...!" warnings now where we just say his name and he knows. He is seeing the same chiropractor as I am and I am really happy that the doctor is so good with Tanner. He talks to him and asks him questions. Tanner isn't always the best with some doctors and so I am relieved that he is good for Dr.Bridge. I hope he'll be the same when we go to the dentist next month. I took him with me last month so he would see what was happening and I really hope that helped him and prepared him for his turn in the chair. He was a mess last year and I hope I was able to lessen the anxiety for him this time. I think it's important to show children that we do the same things and that it's not scary. I use to not take Tanner because it was inconvenient and I didn't want him to run around but now that he's a bit older, I can usually get him to stay with me.

Anyways, I can feel that summer wants to come. It has been pretty nice out lately and that's always a plus because then we can be outside without getting cold.

Things are going well for us right now. I have no complaints and I like that feeling. I feel at peace with life and my environment. That sounds so lame, but I don't know how to explain it. I just feel contentment.

So that's all for now.

Come Back

I have so much to write but not enough time so I just wanted to say please check back in the next few days becuase I have lots to say....and NO I am not pregnant.

Gone with the WInd

You would think that by now I'd be use to the wind but this morning...it's a bit wild. Anyways, what's been happening the last month. I went to my first book club/discussion group. It was pretty good. I enjoyed the book and hearing what other people got out of it. The following is my favorite quote of the book and my possibly be my favorite quote in life right now:

It is not enough for us to be convinced by the gospel; we must act and think so that we are converted by it. In contrast to the institutions of the world, which teach us to know something, the gospel of Jesus Christ challenges us to become something...The final judgement is not just an evaluation of the sum total of good and evil acts-what we have done. It is an acknowledgment of the final effect of our acts and thoughts-what we have become. It is not enough for anyone just to go through the motions. The commandments, ordinances and covenants of the gospel are not a list of deposits required to be made in some heavenly account. The gospel of Jesus Christ is a plan that shows us how to become what our Heavenly Father desires us to become. Dallin H. Oaks

How true is that? It is so important to not just do what is right but do it because we want to do it. There are so many people who live the gospel for "show". They do what they think is right to look good. But then there's those who live and breathe the gospel who desire to do what's right because they know and believe that it will make them a better person and trust in the Lord and do His will. I hope that makes sense. There are the doers and then there are the believers.

Let's see, what else have we been up to? I finished the Book of Mormon for the 3rd time 2 weeks ago. I started reading it again right away. The more I read the Book of Mormon, the more I love it. I feel like I get to know the people better each time I read it.

Tanner is happy and healthy. He had a really bad cold a couple weeks ago and then had it again last weekend. I'm a bad Mom and kept him home last Monday from school because I felt it was more important for him to rest than to go to school. I remember as a child and especially as a teenager, my older and younger sister and I practically had to be dying or throwing up all over for my Mom to allow us to stay home from school. But my little sister, Melany....she could complain that she had a "tummyache or sore throat" and she got to stay home, no questions asked. And she didn't have the same rules as us. We had to lie in our beds or on the couch and rest. There was no watching t.v. or reading or anything like that. The only way I can get Tanner to rest is if we watch movies. Otherwise, he runs around the house and plays and doesn't rest. I guess every child is different.

The problem I'm having right now in life is constantly feeling judged. Like I'm not a good enough Mom, or that I'm not strict enough, or that my child isn't good enough or well behaved enough or that I'm too laid back. Parenting is such a tricky thing sometimes. And not feeling like a good Mom, for me, makes me feel like a bad person. It's something that is hard for me because I have felt judged my whole life because of my past and I am really trying hard to be a better person and not be that girl I was 10-15 years ago that people strongly disliked. I've spent a lot of time on my knees because I know it comes down to forgiving myself. I can't make people like me or see me the way I would like them to see me. I can only be responsible for me and how I act and treat other people. It's a growing and learning process. That's life, I guess.

Anyways, I should go. Thanks for letting me open myself up to my vulnerability.

I'm better

I'm better now. My neck is fine, thank goodness. I don't know what happened. I finally took some Robaxacet and it was fine. I don't know why I didn't think of that in the first place.

Now that I'm well, Tanner is sick. Sick with a cold. He was quite ill on the weekend, but now he's just got a cold. It's that time of year.

We are on reading break right now and it's been pretty nice. I thought I'd be going crazy with having Tanner all day, but it's been quite fun and pleasant. I have become accustomed to my mornings and using it for my study time so I sometimes dread when Tanner is at home from school because I get worried that I won't be able to have any time to study. It's like sacred time for me. Sometimes, I don't even answer the phone so I'm not interrupted (except for you Sharon because I wait all day by the phone for you to call me...lol).

We watched Madagascar 2. It's somewhat funny, but it still has that sometimes inappropriate adult humor hid in it. I really liked the bonus features on it.

I found this amazing quote but I don't have it with me but it is really good so stay tuned because I'll have it up next time I post. It's from this book I'm reading right now called "Hearing the voice of the Lord". It's a really good book. I was invited to a discussion group and this is the book for the month. So it's my first "book club" so I'm kind of excited. As I've said in previous posts, I have a hard time with books because they aren't censored like a movie is. You can go online and see how many swears and if there's nudity or violence in a movie but in a book...I've never heard of a website where you can check for that sort of stuff in a book. I don't really like getting into a book and having a bunch of crude language or explicit scenes described. I feel like I've wasted my time in reading that book and I don't force myself to continue the book. It's just not something that I choose to read. I want to read good books. Uplifting books. Books that teach me something. Books that have an interesting story to them. I'm not opposed to fru fru books (or candy books as someone I know refers to them), I just want it to be an appropriate book. One that I wouldn't be ashamed of telling the Lord I read. I know....that's a bit Molly Mormon, but that's just what I choose.

And I'd like to say that I finally broke down and am reading the Chronicles of Narnia. I'm still firm in NOT reading Lord of the Rings, but I read Prince Caspian and am now onto Voyage of the Dawn Treader. So for those of you who thought I'd cave, I did. And I actually really enjoy them. We recently just got the live radio version of The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe so I'm going to listen to that next week when we go up to Calgary. I'm looking forward to it. So all you people can laugh and say "ha haa, I told you so". I deserve it. Anyways, I think that's it for now.

Could somone please shoot me???

Normally, for those of you who know me, I rarely complain about pain. I have a very high threshold for pain and even my Mother will tell you that she never knew when I was sick except if she looked at my eyes and they were glassy and by that time, I was sick, not just a little cough but sick. Anyways, can I just say that I am almost unbearably uncomfortable today. My neck is so sore. No I don't have Meningitis. I went to the doctor and he checked my neck and said although it was sore it was still loose enough not to be concerned about. Plus I'm not sick sick.

I thought I was pregnant...3 week late...but 3 negative tests...2 pee sticks and one blood...show otherwise. I have been unusually nauseated and tired and thought that was why. But no.

So now they are going to run a bunch of blood work and I've been referred to a GYN to get a histogram (I think that's what they're called.) I've had one before and they are not comfortable. Anyways, I hope that by Monday my neck is better because I feel like I can't live with this constant pain. It's been going strong for 2 weeks so I'm doping up on robaxacet this weekend and we'll see how that goes. If that doesn't work, they'll inject this stuff that freezes my muscles or something and it relieves the pressure on the joint and or muscles. Cut my neck off, I don't care. Just let this pain go away! So that's enough complaining for now...moving on.

I took down our guest room this week and put Tanner's room in where it was and made Tanner's room into the play/reading room. It's so nice to not have toys all over the living room and kitchen. That way if I want to read or watch a movie, he's not in there making a bunch of noise.

Tanner had a really special day on Thursday (yesterday). He was invited to school for a spa day. They are working on the "m" sound so they had foot massages, marshmallow "m" pictures to make, milkshakes, music and a movie called Madeline's manners. It was so fun. I got to help with the massages of the kids feet. He normally doesn't go to school on Thursday so it was a real treat for both of us. His teacher called up and invited him to come and he thought that was pretty neat.

His teachers are really impressed at how well he reads. He's reading at about a grade 1 level maybe a little higher. They haven't tested him but he can read big words like package, and especially, and chocolate, and loose. Words that most kids can't read until they are older. We are so very blessed to have a child that reads so well. We are trying to focus on his fine motor skills like printing and threading beads on strings to get fine motor control of his hands. It's frustrating for him sometimes, but it's important to have this skill for printing. He gets to have a transformer when he's done his workbook that we have for him. He is really excited about that. He keeps telling Matt and I every day that he's really into Transformers. He carries the one he has around the house everywhere and can't wait to get another one so his Optimus Prime will have someone to "fight" with.

He has gotten so sweet and caring lately. The other day I asked him to go play in the toy room because he had his toys in the living room and I was trying to read the Ensign and he said "but you'll be all alone" and I said it was okay because I was just going to be reading about Joseph Smith and he said "but I don't want you to be all alone". Also, when I switched his room, when he saw it for the first time, he told me 4 times that he loved it, he really loved it, thank you, it was the best room ever and he really loved it.

Well, I think that's about it for now. I hope February is a great month for everyone. I can't believe that January is already over. We celebrated 9 years on the 28th of January. Time really does fly.

How long is too long

I know it's been a while and I feel bad about that. I just haven't had much time to write or do much. I think because I am really busy with really reading and studying my scriptures and preparing my weekly lessons. I am reading 3 of the 4 standard works. I'm not reading the New Testament this year. I have found that with reading and studying the other 3, I don't have a lot of time. Plus now that we are down to one vehicle and walking, we have to plan ahead. And things are more time consuming. Taking Tanner to play group or picking him up from school and getting home before we have to go back to the school for play group is very time consuming. And then on Thursdays he has, in addition to play group, music class which is on the other side of town. Luckily I have arranged for someone to pick him up and drop him off for that. They are in our ward and 2 of her kids are in the class with Tanner. I am enjoying the exercise and the blessing of getting out in the fresh air daily. But when Friday comes, I am ready to just hang out and not go anywhere.

A week ago I had something happen to me that was really an eye opener and now I am feeling better about my parenting abilities and being able to stay more calm than before. I have really been able to tell the difference in how I talk to Tanner and Matt and how I deal with my own irritations and annoyances.

So, other than that, not much is too new.

My favorite things right now are reading, doing dishes, laundry, hanging out with Tanner and enjoying the sun when it shines.

The things I wish I could be enjoying are longer days, swimming, bike riding, feeling better about myself and finding sleep...I am totally suffering insomnia and it sucks

Things that excite me right now are preparing my lessons for Primary and thinking about how to teach the things I need to teach in the best possible way and be fun for the kids, my 30th birthday in 3 1/2 months, and the non side effect of my pre-diabetic medication.

So that's a little for now.

Correction

I just wanted to make it clear that I do appreciate what the soldiers have done and continue to do. I highly respect them and are grateful every day for what they do. The point I was trying to make is exactly what Sharon had said in that I don't understand why all the hoopla around people who have chosen that path and all the people who have died. I also found a great quote from I believe Boyd K. Packer about how not all our lives will be celebrated in grandeur like Moroni or the great heroes of the Book of Mormon. Most of us will live our lives in quiet splendor without all the fanfare but that doesn't make us any less serviceable to God. So I'm okay with it...the war and if that what people choose to report on and glorify then that's up to them.

I've just had my ears unplugged and it feels great. They've been plugged up for a couple days now and it was really painful last night and this morning but then I went to the doctor and they're all better.

We had a non eventful new year. We rented a bunch of movies and watched them. Matt went to bed at 11:30 and Tanner fell asleep at 11. So it was just me at 12 to kiss no one : (

We did, however, have an eventful weekend. Matt's truck (well, it actually his Dad's that he loaned to Matt) had the wheel lock up on it. Not a huge deal except that the truck was parked behind our car in the driveway and so we didn't have access to our car. So thankfully, with a prayer and the help of Susanne's husband, Chris, they got the truck out and the car is now accessible. So Tanner and I are back to walking everywhere. I don't think he really gets that yet, but I'm sure he will when I go to pick him up at school in a little while.

Matt also starts at dunlop ford tomorrow. We are all very excited about that and the changes it will bring. He'll stay on at the feedlot on the weekends because it's not a full days work on the weekend. That way, he'll be able to bring in a little more money and he'll still get time with his family.

Our Primary Class went well. I am actually very excited about it this year. I'm looking forward to teaching and learning all the things I can. I am looking forward to the class participation.

So, happy new year!

The war is over is it not?

First off, we had a fair Christmas. Take that for what you want. It wasn't the best Christmas, but it wasn't the worst. I guess, it was a fairly normal Christmas...including tears, laughter, smiles, screams of joy and happiness, surprises and way way way too much food. I am sure I've gained at least 10lbs this month. Tanner got lots...as usual. Matt and I got some really nice things. Some books that we really wanted, skates for Matt so he can learn along with Tanner how to skate, treats, and other things.

So this may be a "hot topic" but I don't understand why people keep glorifying or praising soldiers...people who join the army or navy by their own free choice...and get rewarded for what they are paid to do. Wasn't the war for our freedom already fought? So why do we keep glorifying or praising these people who freely choose their life? Why do we reward them for their "talents"? I'm not saying that I'm not grateful for the war that was fought so that I have the freedom I do now, but it seems like there are other people in the world that have talents that don't get recognized. Why aren't we expressing and showing our thanks and praises to those who actually deserve it, like our husbands and children and the Savior. Anyways, just a thought.

We are looking forward to a great new year and lots of happy things. We don't have any plans for the new year. Maybe just rent a movie and eat the last of our treats.

Matt and I get a new Primary class this week. We are excited. Sad that we won't teach the kids we've had for over a year, but excited to have new students. We also have a new chorister and a few new teachers so it should be an exciting adventure for all of us.

We are thinking about getting Internet back. Now that Matt will be at a consistent job and we don't have to pay AHC anymore, we'll have a little more...I hope. I have been going to the Chiropractor every week and that adds up, but it is worth it and we are hoping it will help us in our efforts to get pregnant. If not, then that's okay. I am not getting my hopes up and I feel relaxed and calm about it. If we are meant to have another child, then it will happen, if not, then I know that's okay too.

I know this is a totally random post with lots of random thoughts. Sorry. Anyways, that's about all for now.