What is your rule on birthday parties? We didn't decide what our guidelines are for birthdays are until we moved to Raymond. Tanner is allowed as many friends as the years he is turning (this year he get to invite 6 friends because he is turning 6) but I guess my question is do I let him invite all 6 or do I make suggestions on the 6? He has been to many parties for kids that I would not really encourage him to invite to his party because they aren't really playmates of Tanners. The other thing that on "weak" day I have conflicting feelings on is the pressure to invite all the kids that he's ever been to their party. That would make for a huge party. It's hard when they get older because the get invited to so many parties and you don't know if that parent is going to expect an invite to your child's birthday. The other thing is that we do not do goodie bags. What parent wants their child to come home with more toys and things? I certainly do not. I mean, I guess it's fun for the kids to get something but my thoughts are that they got invited to a party and got fed fun food and cake and got to play games. Shouldn't that be enough? It's a lot of pressure sometimes. I don't want Tanner not to be invited to parties because of the guidelines we have set for the parties we have for him, but we just can't afford to have 10 kids come to our place, eat food, and take a loot bag home. We are simply trying to be modest in our life and that, for us, means not having big birthday parties.
The other thing Matt and I have been talking about lately is sleepovers. Tanner had his first friend sleep over last night and Tanner has slept over at one of my best friends place because I had to work late. I talked about it with Matt and then with a friend of mine and she said it would depend on who it was. I think that's how I would like to do it too, but it's still too early to tell. I read about an alternative to sleep overs called "late overs". The child comes for the evening until a set time (decided by you and the other parents). They get to do all the things that you would normally do at a sleepover like watch a movie or play games, eat the junk food they normally eat (or healthy if that's your choice) and then they go home at 10 or 11 or whatever pre-determined time. I like that idea for a lot of reasons. But I do think the occasional sleepover with certain children is okay. I don't know, what's everybody Else's thoughts and or guidelines on this subject. When my sisters and I were little, sleepovers were 100% okay. We slept at friends' house that were in our ward and that was it. OH! except we did sleep at our neighbors house when my Dad was in hospital and my Mom stayed with him and when my sister got hit by a van. We grew up with these neighbors and played with them almost daily. When we got older we were allowed to sleep at the friends' house of the kids my Mom babysat but that was when we were grade 6 or older (from what I remember). These are kind of big stages now because of all the bad things that happen or could potentially happen at a sleepover. There are so many kids that have been assaulted or abused at sleepovers so it's not a simple thing anymore.
We have been having a great summer so far...still...lol. Tanner is in swim lessons again this week. Today I almost had to throw him in because he was refusing to go in. What a turkey! He got to go up to Calgary again last week too. He had a great time and came home with an adorable haircut. They went to the zoo and saw the Koalas and watched the Elephant show, went swimming, to the Aerospace Museum, and for a sleepover at Aunty Carolyns.
Well, that's about it for now.
3 years ago
8 comments:
Growing up we did the "sleepover" thing too. My parents made sure it was always with the "right" friend or family....unfortunately....that was not always the case....the "right" family was NOT so right. Little did they know. Therefore, our family (Dean's and mine) have always had the strict policy of "We don't do sleepovers".
Times have certainly changed and your fears are substantial. Even in the best of church members homes, do things happen.
Besides, it alleviates any uncomfortable explanations for our children when it comes to having to explain why "Well, we can't sleep over at your house.....but we can sleep over at "suzy's house". You know what I mean?
If we just blanket a "No sleep over" policy with everyone, life just is easier. And it really has been. For us anyway. The kids still to this day, just automatically say "Sorry. We don't do sleepovers at our house". And their friends and peers know this by now and accept it without complaint or malice.
However, we do allow the "late overs". We will pick them up at 10:00 pm. And if they call us with a signal - such as "I don't feel well." Then we come immediately. It could be that they are not comfortable with the game or movie that is being played. Or there is a relative over visiting that they are not comfortable with. You know what I mean?
Here is a GREAT article that I read a few years back and have saved. It has just made me feel good about the decision WE made as a family right from the start. It may help you and Matt with any decision you decide is right for your family. It really is that good. I thought so anyway.
http://ldslivingmagazine.com/articles/show/1898
Oops. Sorry....I meant to say that your fears are "substantiated". Sorry. Didn't mean to make it sound like you had a TON of fears. LOL
I think that sleepovers are a big part of being a kid, at least they were when I was young. However, I do agree that the world is very different now and I do not think your fears are unjustified. One approach my friends have taken is that their kids can have friends sleep at their house, but they are not allowed to sleep at other peoples houses. This way their kids get to enjoy the fun of sleepovers, without the worry and fear of what could happen to their kids.
I've never even thought about this! The only place Isaiah's ever spent the night for a sleepover is with Nate. I think I would be uncomfortable with him spending the night anywhere else unless I knew the family really well.
Right now I think my kids are too young for sleepovers. I think I would let him stay at a friends house when he was A LOT older if I was really comfortable with the family and had been in their home. I like the lateover idea. They don't really need to sleepover and stay up ridiculously late anyway!
As for birthday parties I bet those parents are relieved they have one less party to go to. There is no way you have to invite every kid who invited Tanner. This year Nate invited all the boys in his church class - even the ones he doesn't play with - and one friend from school. I didn't want to leave any kids out from church. As for loot bags, that's totally up to you. I like to give one thing instead of. Bag of stuff that will get thrown out and a bunch of candy. The past couple of years I tried to make something. I think birthday parties are starting to get out of control!!!!
WOW. so much stuff to think about. having a 10month old is sure easier than having an older kid, who'da thunk? I just keep thinking that when she's older, she'll *probably* sleep through the night, and will be able to talk and tell us what she wants, and do a lot more for herself (diapers)... sounds like it just gets more complicated.
we've talked about the sleepover thing, because even within my family I wouldn't feel comfy having my daughter sleep over at certain places. I really like the "blanket policy" on no sleepovers... unless it's at our place. That, I'd be okay with. sleepovers were such a fun part of being a kid, y'know?
as for bday parties - I totally agree. The other kids got to come over, play games, have cake... what's with the whole "everything must be equal and therefore, even though it's that other kid's bday, I've gotta get something, too"?!? so silly. maybe get a polaroid camera and they get to leave with a picture of themselves with the celebrity (the bday boy) and yay, that's their treat, and by-the-by, you've got some awesome pics to scrapbook :) do they make disposable polaroids???
good luck! lots of fun decisions for you and yours to make!!
WOW. I just read that article, and holy crow. As in, I knew some of the stuff... but after reading it, I'm totally convinced that a blanket policy on no sleepovers is the way to go. Lynn, I don't think I know you, but thanks for posting that, I'm totally sharing it now with everybody else I know too!
birthday parties are hard. i hate inviting the whole neighborhood (so to speak) but don't want to offend anyone. we did the "however old you are is how many kids" for a bit until i was 10 and there were 10 10year old girls... i think that was the end right there hahahha. sleepovers are a tough thing too. we limit it to family/cousins and that's it. i don't mind if other kids stay here, but i'm SO not comfortable sending them to someone elses home. i hate being paranoid, but better safe than sorry, right?
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